Random Thoughts of a Crazy Mom

President Monson

2012-02-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

I have been 'in line' to get a copy of President Monson's biography at the library for several months now and my turn finally came two weeks ago. Now, I know how this is going to sound, but I've had kind of a difficult time feeling the same love for President Monson that I had for President Hinckley. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I have doubted that he's a prophet or anything. I just really, really loved President Hinckley and I still miss him. On that note, as I started to read President Monson's biography, I could not put it down. It is page after page of miracles and faith-promoting stories. It is clear that, from the beginning, he was a special person and that he was being raised up as prophet for our day. He truly has gone about 'doing good,' inspiring those around him, serving, strengthening, and lifting up all who come within the grasp of his influence. To the Rescue has increased my love for President Monson and has strengthened my testimony that he is the Lord's chosen servant on the earth today. This book has already changed my life, my attitude, and perspective and I'm only half-way through. If any of you reading this could use a spiritual uplift, I highly recommend obtaining a copy of this book.

Archie's Blessing

2012-01-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

James has a special love for grandma great.
My mom and her sister Renee.

My brother Greg and grandma.
Great grandma.
Great grandpa.

I love this photo.
Adam gave Archie Benjamin a name and a blessing New Year's Day in our ward. It was a great way to start 2012 and it also worked out perfectly because Adam still had quite a few family members in town for the holidays. This is the group of priesthood holders-- my grandpa Ardell, my dad, Adam's brother Chris, Adam's dad, Adam's brother Matt, Adam, Adam's brother Aaron, my brother Bryan and my brother in law Blake (Charity's hubs). I wanted a big group photo but that didn't happen obviously, so my brother took a bunch of random shots. I also wanted a picture of just Adam and his brothers because they all looked so handsome that day but that didn't happen either. Adam was being a little impatient so it didn't quite happen. Oh well. It was a lovely blessing and a lovely day spent with lots of family on both sides. The only people missing were my sister Emily and her husband and daughter. Archie is such a blessing in our home and has a sweet little spirit.

Happy New Year 2011

2012-01-05T16:37:00.000-08:00

This picture pretty much sums up our New Year's Eve. We spent the evening at my brother and sister-in-law's house and we actually made it to midnight although I was pining for my bed by 10:00. Ruby fell asleep in the chair around 11:30 and slept soundly through the noise makers at midnight. She didn't even flinch when James put a horn right up to her ear and blew as hard as he could. Happy New Year! Hope it's a good year for us finally! 2011 pretty much sucked but for the exception of little Archie.

Happy Christmas!

2012-01-05T15:54:00.000-08:00

Bleh, looking nasty. Me, that is, not sweet Ruby.

Christmas 2012 was pretty good. The kids were up at their usual time, we opened presents, and then headed to church at 10:30. Santa brought James a Wii and a big firetruck as his main presents. Ruby got a Disney princess castle that she has been fawning over for months but does she ever really play with it now? Not really. I really enjoyed attending church on Christmas, although I wish we would have sung more carols other than the opening and closing songs. I wish we met together at church every Christmas Day to sing hymns and then go home. Adam said they did this in England where he served. Members met at the church for an hour to sing carols, regardless of what day Christmas fell on. It really helped set the tone for the day and was a great reminder for the purpose of the holiday. Right after church we went to Adam's parents' house to open presents with his siblings and eat dinner. At 4:00 we headed over to my parents' house and repeated the process. It was a good day but we were pretty tired by the end of the day.

NO CAVATIES!!

2012-01-02T18:56:00.001-08:00

James was so excited. I love the glasses they had for him to wear. They made me giggle. I also love James' dentist-- he's competent, caring, and great with kids. So glad we were able to find a dentist I can trust.

Mary, Did You Know?

2012-01-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

I love this newly discovered depiction of the nativity with Mary nursing the newborn Christ-child surrounded by heavenly hosts and Joseph looking slightly overwhelmed. I've been thinking a lot about Mary and Joseph this year because of the timely arrival of Archie. A new baby is the perfect Christmas gift and the best way to spur one's thoughts toward the baby Jesus and his little earthly family. One of my favorite Christmas songs is 'When Joseph Went to Bethlehem.' It's simple lyrics and tune make me tear up every time I hear it or sing it. We know so little about Joseph other than he was a man of great faith, compassion and understanding. I try to imagine his thoughts and feelings as he 'held the little Jesus close upon that holy night.' Just as Mary was a 'chosen vessel' so too was Joseph foreordained to be Jesus' mortal father, to guard and protect and watch over the Savior of the world. What an honor and privilege to be able to serve the Master in a way that no one else would.
And then there's Mary, 'most beautiful and fair above all other virgins,' chosen to carry and deliver her Messiah. It would be difficult to comprehend such a miracle. A normal birth of a normal child is overwhelming and a great spiritual experience. In an instant it seems, a little tiny baby is born and put into your arms and then all of the weight of responsibility rushes in. It's an experience like no other. Words really do fail to explain all of the feelings and emotions that accompanies that experience and then compound that with a miracle conception and birth of the Son of God. Little wonder that 'Mary kept all of these things and pondered them in her heart.' We know that she knew what was happening but how could any human fully comprehend what she, the mother of Jesus, would see and experience as she raised him from baby to man? Undoubtedly, Mary's love for Jesus was like that of a common mother whose fawning love for her infant resembles adoration. But her love for him and true adoration grew exponentially as she cared for him, nursed him, bathed him, changed him, fed him and watched him grow in wisdom and understanding and eventually realizing his divine role. Mary did for him what he could not do for himself as a young child. What a blessed experience to serve him as no other human could. Which begs the question, 'What can we do to serve him? What errand does he require of us?' These are questions I am asking myself as this new year dawns. What good can I accomplish this year?

Sister Wives

2011-12-12T17:23:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong that I love the show 'Sister Wives?' Adam and I looked forward to watching it every Sunday and it always sparked a spiritual conversation. I'm sad that the season finale was a couple weeks ago. Anyone else a 'Sister Wives' fan?

Brothers Don't Shake Hands, Brothers Gotta Hug

2011-12-10T14:28:00.000-08:00

James is smitten with this little guy. He's constantly wanting to hold Archie, hug him and kiss him. I admit, sometimes it's a little much and it gets on my nerves BUT I am very grateful that he has such adoration for his baby brother and not any resentment. James tells me at least once a day that he loves the baby more than the whole family and that if anyone ever tries to "steal the baby, I would go to Cabela's and buy a real gun and kill the robbers." Ooookay... Not sure where he got such a violent idea but, if I were take something positive from that, it would be that I'm glad that he wants to protect and watch over little Archie.

The boys are both sporting the shirts that Uncle Aaron, Adam's little brother, recently brought home for them from his mission to Brazil. When I look at the above picture I can't help but think about Adam's relationship with his brother Aaron. I think Aaron was only eleven when Adam left for his mission. Aaron totally idolized Adam and took to heart a lot of the spiritual heeding that Adam would send to him through letters. It was because of Adam's encouragement that Aaron started reading the scriptures and eventually desired to serve a mission of his own. Adam sometimes feels like he didn't influence as many people as he had hoped on his mission (Manchester, England is one of the toughest missions) but I truly believe that Adam's influence was extended to South America because Aaron's testimony and missionary service came about, in a significant way, because of Adam's example. I hope James will be that kind of example for Archie and Ruby. On Sunday, as we were getting ready for church, I look over to see James kneeling next to Archie holding a large picture of Christ and then I hear James say, "Do you know who this is? It's Jesus. Do you remember Him? You lived with him before you lived with us."

Archie Benjamin

2011-11-29T16:02:00.001-08:00

One week ago today, Archie Benjamin made his official debut. It was a great day, labor was easy, and he literally almost came flying out. The week before, at my previous and last prenatal visit, my doctor scheduled an induction for the following Tuesday. I've been induced with all three of my children due to my Addison's Disease and I love it! I love being induced and this time was particularly great. Adam took the entire week off work and so we spent Monday running around doing errands, cleaning the house, and just sort of waiting for morning. I was scheduled to check in at the hospital at 7:00am so I got up and drove myself to the hospital and checked in. Adam stayed at home until Ruby woke up which is usually around 8:00. I figured it was sort of pointless to have him there anyway since they wouldn't have any pitocin going until 8:00 or 8:30 anyway and then there would be a lot of waiting while I dilated. It worked out perfectly. They got me into a room, put in my IV and started the pitocin around 8:00ish. My doctor, Dr. West (best OB/GYN ever!!) stopped by to check on me. I was only at barely a 2 so he put a balloon catheter into my cervix to open it up. He said I have a cervix of steel. (It's not something I like to brag about. Some women have buns of steel and I just happen to have a cervix of steel.) That was the most pain I would experience all day. That was pretty rough but bearable. He left after that and said he would let me 'stew' for a few hours and see what happens. He said I could have an epidural whenever I wanted it. So, a few hours went by and I was having contractions but they really just felt like mild cramps. I knew Dr. West was coming back around noon and would probably break my water then so I finally asked for an epidural around noon. Such an amazing invention! It was a really good epidural-- I could still move my legs but the pain was gone. By noonish I had progressed to a 5/6 and then there was just more waiting after that. It was actually a pretty boring day. There was NOTHING on tv and poor Adam was going stir crazy. He finally left and ran over to Winco for a bit and came back. The pain was starting to seep through a bit so the nurse gave me another bolus through the epidural. Dr. West came back again around 3:15 and said I was at 9.5 and could probably start pushing. They started preparing the room. I pushed through two contractions and out he came. It was so easy and I actually felt pretty awkward as we were just sitting there waiting for the next contraction to come, all eyes on me and we're just waiting with me in that position. The nurse, Adam, Dr. West, and a resident physician were all just sitting there watching me in total silence. I finally started making small talk and I told the doctor that I really wasn't comfortable when all of the attention is on me. He said, "The fact that you're not actually makes this kind of fun." At which point I pushed again and shot some fluid over his head! I told him he needed to wear the full head gear protection. The delivery was actually kind of fun because I was so relaxed and was able to enjoy the moment rather than writhing in pain. He was born at 3:41pm and weighed 7lb 7oz and was 20" long.
I love Dr. West! He said I needed to keep having babies because he was going to miss seeing me in the office and I make him laugh. Ahh, that's so sweet. I guess I will miss him a little too but I will definitely NOT miss being pregnant. A few years ago, my two sisters, myself, and my sister-in-law all had baby girls within like 9 months of each other and Dr. West delivered them all. We took a picture of all four girls wearing their little shirts that read "Dr. West and Christie took care of mommy and me." He told me a few weeks ago that he still has it hanging in his office and he loves it. I thought that was so neat because he is one of the most popular and busiest OB/GYNs in Boise.
After the delivery, my mom brought the kids over and Adam's parents showed up too. Everyone was anxious to know his name but we were still VERY undecided. Don't ask me how we ended up with Archie Benjamin. I'm still having second thoughts although it's quite a process to legally change someones name after you have submitted the paperwork. Oh well, we've been calling him Archie and we figure if we don't end up liking it then we can start calling him Benjamin instead. I like that it's different. I like that it's old. I like that it's on the top 10 list in Britain but not even on any list here in the US. I kind of like the shock value of it as well. We've seen/heard of wrinkled noses when people hear his name. My mom hates it.
Anyway, he's healthy and happy, he's a great little nurser, and he will be circumcised this Friday in the doctor's office, poor little guy.
James and Ruby have been very cute and sweet with little Archie. They love to hold him and smother him with kisses. James cheered in the background when Adam called my mom to let her know that the baby was finally here. James always talks about how much he loves the baby.
The four days or so following delivery were pretty rough due to post-partum edema. I was so swollen everywhere-- my feet barely fit into my shoes. It was very uncomfortable and pretty depressing that I wasn't dropping any weight yet because my body wouldn't release the excess fluid. But, my body finally started flushing itself out and I am now very anxious to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. It took a week with James and two or three weeks with Ruby. I'm really afraid that, with number three, it's going to be different with an old stretched out uterus and all.
I feel very grateful to have a healthy, beautiful baby boy and that labor and delivery was quick and easy. I'm grateful that I had a healthy pregnancy despite the awfulness of the first trimester. There is nothing that compares to holding a newborn. The way he smells, his breath, his sweet little head are so intoxicating. He's a little miracle. It is amazing to me that he grew inside of me from a single cell into a normal, healthy human. How can anyone hold a newborn and not feel the stirrings of eternity?

Brag Time!

2011-11-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

Last week I attended my first parent-teacher conference with James' kindergarten teacher. I was excited to receive her report on how James was doing in school. She said she has to constantly remind herself that he is only five because he is far beyond the maturity of all the other kids in the class; that he is a very good example to the others and she thinks of him as the 'wise old man' of the class. She also noted his impressive ability to grasp concepts quickly, to think deeply, and draw meaning and metaphor from things that the other kids don't really even get. Wow! I was sort of blown away. Of course, I knew going into the meeting that James is smart and obedient but I just assumed he was a pretty typical five year old. His teacher also said that she immediately thought of him when she was asked to consider kids in her class that would do well in the GATE program. She said that he wasn't eligible this year but not be surprised if his teachers in the future recommend him for the program. Wow! Coming away from that meeting, I actually felt validated as a parent. It is one of the few times when I felt like I must be doing something right to raise such a great kid. If only that feeling would last. I also walked away thinking that I really needed to ease up on him a bit and that I expect too much from him as a five year old. Pretty good parent day that day! I love my little James. He loves to play this little game where he tries to tell me how much he loves me. Usually, it's all the way up to Saturn and as big as the whole town and as big as our house. Then I tell him that I love him even more than that, all the way to the sun, and he gets this cute little smile on his face. I know someday, sooner than I realize, that I will yearn for those conversations with him. For now, I'll treasure the time I have.

Halloween 2011 and other stuff

2011-11-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

All of the cousins before they headed out trick-or-treating. What a fun group!
We were fortunate enough that some friends from our old ward were able to join us at our ward Halloween party. These were James' closest friends in our old ward. He sure misses them and was so excited to see them there.
These pictures are out of order and I couldn't rearrange them. Oh well. This is James at the Fireman's Memorial in Boise which is also right next to the training facility for fireman. He was so excited to watch the fireman roll up their hoses and practice shooting water, etc. I wonder if he'll ever grow out of this phase, not that I want him to or anything. I love his imagination and his love of trucks, especially fire trucks.

We went to some community trunk-or-treats the Saturday before Halloween. It was fun. I think it's safe to say that we got a lot of good use out of the kids' costumes.
This is James' firetruck. It actually turned out pretty cute. The lights in front and on top actually work. Everyone loved it wherever we went which made James beam with pride. It was pretty easy to do and worked out really well when it was dark outside. His little headlights kept a safe walking path for the other kids.

Again, the pics are out of order. The weather was so beautiful for a few weeks leading up to Halloween and we tried to take advantage of the waning warmer temps by playing outside as much as possible. This is at our favorite spot on the river. We would walk from our house over to BSU (beautiful sidewalks-- perfect for big wheels!) with his stupid gun around his neck (thanks Adam) and the kids would spend forever just playing in the sand, throwing rocks, playing rescue games, gathering sticks, and finding all kinds of treasures. I sure hate to see winter come. It is my least favorite time of year.

Feeling Better

2011-11-05T09:33:00.001-07:00

Thanks everyone for the support and encouragement. I am feeling better. We finally got some closure on a situation that has been going on for two years and I think that has helped. I also had my doctor prescribe something. Oh yeah, and I've been sleeping better which I think has been the biggest factor in my feeling better. Here's hoping for a slightly early delivery!

2011-10-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Suffering from some serious pre-partum depression. Would go into it more if this weren't a public blog but I don't want to depress anyone else. Suffice it to say, I think I'm having a mental breakdown and the baby isn't even here yet. What in the hell were we thinking? I can't even take care of two children and now we will have three. Feeling very overwhelmed.

Halloween

2011-09-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

Well, James wants to be a fireman for Halloween this year... again. So to spice things up a bit I'm thinking about making this little firetruck and maybe make it so the top opens up and candy can be stored in there. What do you think? Have any of you tried something like this and how did it turn out? Was it hard to walk in when actually trick-or-treating?
By the way, I love the look on this kid's face. He looks so thrilled.

Changes

2011-09-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have brought some changes to our home and daily routine. First, James started kindergarten and he is thriving. I have already seen a lot of positive results socially and academically from this new adventure. I have to admit that I was a little nervous because he can be a little shy and sometimes he chooses to be a bit of a loner. Kindergarten seems to have turned that around and he is excited to tell me every day about all of the fun stuff he gets to do and all of the new friends he is making.
James also started playing in a soccer league. He is one of the least-skilled on his team but he is having tons of fun and he has enjoyed making new friends. His confidence has gone up as well as he has learned new skills and tasted of success. It's fun to watch him play and I've been surprised that he has never been frustrated or upset when he loses the ball or whatever. He's so laid back that winning doesn't really seem to matter to him which is great with me. I'm just happy to see him enjoying himself and making new friends.
The other two pictures were taken before church a few weeks ago. We call James' outfit his 'door-to-door salesman suit.' I gave him my old miniature antique suitcase and he uses it as his scripture case. It's pretty sweet and he gets a lot of comments about it at church.
As for the rest of us, nothing has really changed other than my massively-pregnant stomach. It hurts to sleep, bend over, hold Ruby on my lap, pretty much anything really. And I still have about 8 weeks to go. My doc will probably induce me around Nov 18ish.
Adam has been in a deep state of depression for a long time now. I try to stay positive so as to maintain a balance in the home. Maybe things will turn around for us someday or maybe this is just how our life will be forever... constantly struggling. It's a difficult thing to watch a spouse battle feelings of worthlessness and failure and to express those feelings every.single.night for a year. Here's hoping something good will come our way. Soon.

Ruby is 3!

2011-09-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my baby turned 3 last Sunday. She still seems so little to me. She really wanted a princess party (of course). We had two parties-- one with Adam's family and another right after with my family. All of her little cousins are gathered around in the last picture watching her open presents. Just about every present was either a princess doll or had princesses on them. She has been asking for the Rapunzel doll for months now and I kept telling her she had to wait for her birthday. Needless to say, she was pretty excited to finally open her 'Tangled' doll.
Ruby is our sweet little girl. She is sooooo excited about the baby. She comes up to my stomach about ten times a day to hug my tummy and to tell me that she loves the baby. She says multiple times a day that she is excited to help take care of the baby and teach him how to talk and to be a good big sister. It's fascinating to me how much she thinks about the baby. She laughs hysterically when I tell her the baby is kicking or stretching. She asks me all the time what the baby is doing, "Is he waking up or is he just floating around in there?" Not to mention when he is actually going to be here and how I am going to push him out. Let's just say that I don't go into details on the second half of the question. It proves to me that women are born with a nurturing instinct. James is interested in the baby and will ask questions but nothing compared to Ruby's interest and desire to take care of the baby. I just hope she feels the same way after he is here and more of my attention will be given to him.

First Day of School!

2011-09-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

James started kindergarten nearly two weeks ago. He loves it, he loves his teacher, and he is doing really well. He was really super cranky every day after school for the first week (I think it was stress) but he was fine by the second week. As you can see, his new favorite show is Spongebob. He had two years of preschool which really helped prepare him for the transition into kindergarten. I can't believe I have a 5 year old in school. I feel like he kind of grew up over night.

He also started soccer this past week. It was fun to watch him run around with a bunch of other little kids. He's not aggressive and won't really go after the ball but he still chases after it and gets some exercise. I'm sure he will catch on-- he's only been to one practice so far. He had lots of fun and that's the only thing I care about.

Ruby starts preschool tomorrow. I think she may have a bit of a struggle adjusting since she is such a homebody and a mama's girl. I'm guessing I will have to stay with her for the first few days.

The Life

2011-07-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

I know sometimes I complain about my life but as I was hanging out today at Eagle Island with the kids and some of our friends I thought, "Ya know, being a mom (especially in the summer) is pretty awesome. I'm just hangin' out here in the sand with the kids, enjoying the sunshine, and watching the kids have a great time. How many moms out there wish they could do this every day with their kids but can't?" I'm pretty fortunate that I have the luxury of staying at home with my kids. Yes, I wish our financial situation was better, but with a free place to stay we're doing ok and I haven't been forced to find a job outside the home yet. Which makes me think, what will I do with the kids tomorrow? Hmm... maybe the pool. Life is good.

2011-07-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

You say good-bye...
and I say hello.

We sold one of our Subaru's tonight so we could purchase this little beauty. We are picking it up tomorrow. I love my Subaru but I'm excited to have some extra room and with the baby coming we really didn't have a choice. An SUV with third-row seating was not an option for me. It seems like it would be a pain in the bum to try to wrestle kids into the back seat. No thanks. I'll take the less-cool mini van any day. We (I)have had my eye on an MPV for a while now but they are super hard to find. We called on this one within two hours of it's posting on Craigslist, drove it that day and bought it. It's a 2006, 55,000 miles on it for only $9100. The interior is impeccable. I almost hate to let my kids ride in it. The mom who owns it never let her kids eat in the car. I think I may be adopting that rule now, or at least non-colorful, non-staining items. And seat covers are first on my list to buy.

Camping

2011-07-21T19:03:00.001-07:00

We went camping last weekend with my two brothers and most of their kids. We camped along the North Fork of the Payette River. The weather was great and the kids seemed to have a good time. This was James and Ruby's first time camping and I think they had fun. The kids took turns singing songs around the campfire. James' selections were always primary songs. We stayed one night and the next day the kids played on a sandy beachy area along the river and swam around. James and Ruby were both asleep within 2 minutes of pulling out of our campsite. James didn't wake up until we pulled into our driveway and said surprised, "Well, that was a short drive!" I think we may go camping again in a couple of weeks. We invested in an 8-man tent so we figure we better get our money's worth out of it.

Little Royalty

2011-07-21T18:53:00.001-07:00

Here is our little princess Ruby. She is proudly wearing her Tangled dress that her Aunt Lindsey made for her. It was very sweet of auntie to make this for her but I knew as soon as I laid eyes on it that Ruby would demand to wear it every single day. I proved to be prophetic on this. She has a meltdown if her dress is not available to wear. A lot of times I kind of lie and tell her that it's dirty or wet or in the washer. She will not take it off at bedtime. Sigh. She's a willful one so I just go with it most of the time. She loves Tangled and she'll sit at the computer and watch/listen/sing along to the soundtrack. The other day, wherever we went, whatever we were doing, she sang the line 'And at last I see the light and it's like the fog has lifted' over and over all day long. It's pretty stinkin' cute as sick as I am of that show. Fortunately, we don't own the movie. I really never thought that my daughter would be into princesses and dresses and pink. I blame it on grandma as she was the one who introduced her to all of them while we were on vacation. I guess it was love at first sight. But just look at that smile.

Raccoons

2011-07-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

These are the little guys who were hanging out in our tree for a good three hours or so one morning. They are pretty cute. We haven't seen any sign of them since but the kids had a great time watching them. They keep asking me where they live now and if they are coming back. The same day, the aforementioned BIL came over and would not let his daughter step foot outside without him checking out the place with a stick. The man is a little neurotic especially when it comes to his kid which is fine but it made me laugh. At him.

Walk-Ins Welcome?

2011-07-07T13:28:00.001-07:00

I have to say it here because I can't say it on Facebook, even though I would really like to. Ok, does anyone else find it odd that my brother-in-law, Adam's oldest brother, just walks into our house without knocking? I mean, I understand that we're living at his grandma's house and that he has never had to knock before but we're living here now and I find it really rude when he just walks in. One time he came over and it was just me at home, deathly sick on the couch and my mom had taken the kids for the day. I thought it was Adam but when I looked up it was my BIL looking down at me with his little daughter and it was really uncomfortable. I mean, I was sick and had he knocked, I would not have even answered the door. Instead, I was forced to make small talk with him for a good 20-30 minutes while he hung around for awhile. I honestly would not mind at all and don't mind when women-folk in the family stop by and they don't knock but it feels totally different when a male member of the family comes barging in unannounced. I mean, we go to the pool a lot and maybe I would prefer to be a little more covered up if company is coming over or whatever. Not that I walk around the house naked or anything but I suppose it's my right to do so. He came over the other day without knocking and was surprised to find Adam home, like he was just going to hang out with me and the kids, which is fine but I would prefer a knock at the door. Or am I being too uptight?

New Post!

2011-07-05T10:33:00.001-07:00

I can't believe James is five! What a momentous birthday. He's so proud to be able to say that he's five now and hold up all of his fingers on one hand. I hosted quite a large party for him this year which included 10 guests (he has a large primary class). It was pretty crazy and chaotic but the kids are young enough that they just ran around and jumped on the trampoline and had fun. I decided to do a police themed party so I started the party with the kids making and coloring their own police hats and vests. Party favors included candy and handcuffs from the dollar store along with free information, stickers, and pencils from the local police station. I think it was a success. I think I will definitely scale back next year.
As for other updates, obviously Adam didn't get the job in Sioux Falls which I'm not totally sad about. He has another job interview this week with a local company so hopefully that will have a good outcome.
We have settled into grandma's house and have resigned ourselves to the fact that we will probably be here for a while. The house is fine and we are really grateful to have an entire house to live in for free; we are just having a really hard time adjusting to our old/new ward. The kids ask me almost everyday when we can go back to our old ward which makes me sad because I want to go back probably worse than they do.
We have also been staying busy going to the pool (we go 2-3 times a week) and we went to Sandypoint last week.
We had a crazy 4th of July, as always, at my parents--kids running everywhere lighting off firecrackers, smokebombs, and bottlerockets. It looked like a warzone by the end of the night. We had a few mishaps with mortars that sent people running in all directions but that's all part of the fun.
We find out what the baby is next Monday. I'm already feeling huge even though I just have a little gut so far. I just look tubby more than pregnant. I thought each pregnancy was supposed to get easier but that has not been the case with this one.
On another exciting note, found out this week that our next training meeting for the exchange student organization will be at Disneyworld in February. Even though I had to take a leave of absence, I still placed enough students before that to qualify to go for free! We are pretty excited and the kids are thrilled! I thought about giving up this gig permanently but now that I've had a break from it, I've realized that it's just too good of a job to give up. The free travel alone is worth it and I'm actually good at what I do.

PBS Memorial Day Concert 2007

2011-05-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

This is an amazing, heart-wrenching video. It makes me so grateful for the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation and the peace that is only found in the atonement of Jesus Christ. Surely Christ and Heavenly Father have shed many tears with this poor mother in her unbearable hours of grief, just as they weep with us in our times of trouble.
I want my children to know and understand that the life we enjoy today was not given to us cheaply. From the founding of this country, many lives have been sacrificed in order to preserve our freedom. I want my children to live with a feeling of gratitude for those who have gone before and those who are serving now. We had such a nice time at the Memorial Service at the Veteran's Cemetery yesterday and I hope to make it an annual tradition for our family. As one Vietnam veteran put it, there's still lots of time left in the day to have barbecue's and parties but the day should start with remembering.

The Haps

2011-05-29T14:42:00.000-07:00

This is the week! Adam flies out tomorrow night to Omaha and then has a ride along Tuesday and his final interview Tuesday. We will know if Sioux Falls is our destiny by Wednesday. Crazy.

Sorry about last Sunday's post. I had hit a low point. The nausea is getting better; I'm just fighting an evil cold now which, I'm guessing is as bad as it is because my immune system is too weak to fight it off. My pants are still falling off of me at 14 weeks. To me, I look horrible-- gaunt, pale, dry lips, sunken eyes.

Updates on the kids:

James is no longer acting like a psycho. Once he was done taking antibiotics he was back to his old self.
He graduated from preschool last week and he finished a month of swimming lessons. He still won't put his face in the water and he was the only one in his class who refused to go down the waterslide on the last day.
He recently took up fishing. He casts like a pro on an adult reel so we decided to buy him a cheap kid pole which would be easier for him to handle. He's awesome at casting. He loves it. I need to get my license so I can legally help him fish in a real lake or river. (I have so many fond memories of going fishing with my family as a kid. Mom would pack a picnic and we would drive to some random lake or stream in the mountains somewhere and we'd spend the day fishing and hanging out.)
James can hit pretty dang good with a baseball bat. He's excited about his success.

Ruby, as much as I tried to discourage it, is totally into princesses. She spent a week with my mom when we went on the cruise and that's when she fell in love. She insists on wearing a dress everyday because princesses do. The dress-thing was kind of cute at first but now it's kind of annoying. She is in heaven when we go to Target and she gets to look at all of the princess toys; it's pretty evident the power of marketing on young, impressionable minds.
Ruby's figured out how to tease and annoy her brother. So now they tease and annoy each other all day long. Sometimes they get along and play well together but usually it ends up with somebody crying. I now know why my parents were constantly yelling at us to "Stop fighting!!"

Wishin' and Hopin' and Prayin'

2011-05-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

I am dreaming about this place today. I really wish I was there on beautiful Coco Cay. Most of all, I wish I was well again. I wish I didn't have to throw up anymore. I wish that I didn't have an ear infection on top of nausea. I wish Ruby didn't have a fever and an ear infection. I wish James would stop acting like a little psycho. I wish I could give Adam the time and attention he needs and deserves rather than half-closed eyes and a face filled with absolute apathy because I'm too sick to care about anything right now. I know this is not upbeat and I should probably only post things that are positive because I wouldn't want anyone to think I am human or anything. Anyway, I'm just very depressed today. It's been almost 2 months of misery, absolute misery. I don't want to be a sick, cranky mom anymore. I don't want to be an absent wife anymore. I just want my life back. The fun, care-free life of a person who enjoys good health. Maybe someday I'll be that person again. But not today.

Still here...barely

2011-05-03T10:13:00.001-07:00

There has been so much going on in our lives over the past month or so.

*We moved into Adam's grandma's house in southeast Boise and are sharing the house with Adam's cousin Kelly.

*I am about 10 weeks pregnant and seriously wish I was dead. It has been so awful. It has to be the highest form of torture to have to force yourself to eat while gagging and fighting off vomiting at the same time. It's such a horrendous thing. I've lost 10lbs so far. I'm not sure why some women are more sick than others because, no offense, but feeling 'a little queasy and a little nauseous' just doesn't count. I'm so sick of throwing up and tired of gagging in public places. I've been so fortunate to be able to go to my mom's house almost every day and she helps with the kids. Adam is such a wonderful, helpful, caring husband and father. I know the sickness is getting old for him too. Living with Kelly has also been really good. She has helped with the kids in the evenings and is so good with them. It was a blessing that we moved when we did because it was less than a week later and I was slammed with debilitating nausea. The timing could not have been more perfect.
Mind you, I'm not complaining about being pregnant itself. We are excited and very grateful to be able to have another baby. We know that we are very lucky. Baby is due Nov 26 and I'm pretty sure it's a boy and doc guessed that it's a boy but only time will tell.

*Adam has his job interview for the Sioux Falls position next week in Omaha. We're excited but nervous as we have been through this with the same company twice before.

Update

2011-03-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

In case you wanted to know what's really been going on with us:

--The house is going to sell sometime this month. Just waiting for the inspection now. If they don't want us to fix anything (and with this couple it wouldn't surprise me if they want us to fix the whole house (and we're not fixing one single thing)) then we will be out in April and living in Adam's grandma's basement in Southeast Boise.

--Adam started a job at Platt Electric last Monday. It's just warehouse work so nothing he's excited about or anything but at least it's bringing in money.

--Adam has a job opportunity in Sioux Falls, South Dakota and since he's already interviewed with the company then all he has to do, most likely, is the final interview. I never thought in a million years that I would be dreaming of Sioux Falls but I am ready and willing to go anywhere right now for Adam to start a career.

--Registered James for kindergarten last week. He breezed right through all of the little 'tests.' I was so proud of him. I can't believe we've had him for FIVE years now. Amazing.

--I have been staying busy working from home, interviewing host families, working with my exchange students, and going to Vegas for "business." I know, it's a tough job but someone has to do it. As a side note, thankfully my Japanese student's family and friends are all safe and unaffected by the earthquake and tsunami.

--Going to see the Clumsy Lovers, a band I have close ties with, on St. Patrick's Day. Looking forward to dancing the night away. If anyone wants to come please do. The McCabe's bought their tickets today too. They are always a super fun band to see.

--We've been going to the library a lot, like twice a week. We are so ready for spring!

Viva la Tacky

2011-03-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

The fountain show at the Bellagio. AMAZING! Definitely my favorite thing to see in Vegas. Absolutely beautiful. There was a show every 15 minutes and the fountain was choreographed to music. We must have watched it 6 or 7 times.

This was the fountain show looking down from the top of the fake Eiffel Tower.

EF paid for us to go to the cheesy, tacky wax museum. Not sure who in their right mind would spend their own money on this but since it was free we had fun.
I look way psycho. Love this picture.
Hmmm.... smells like... homewrecker.
Who doesn't love a Stature of Liberty made out of Jelly Bellies?
This salsa was soooo stinkin' good.

Ceiling inside the Bellagio.
Bellagio.

Bellagio.
Caeser's Palace... Our hotel.

Fountains, fountains everywhere.
He was wearing a bikini underneath.

So, to sum up Vegas-- a city of gluttony. I saw so many children there with their families and I have absolutely no idea why anyone would expose their children to such a worldly place. Porn everywhere-- on the ground, shoved in our faces as we walked down the street, on the sides of vans and buses, hanging on the buildings. I have no desire to go ever go back. I feel like I need to cleanse myself inside and out now.
At one point, we passed a group of young teenage boys who were there as a sports team and they had their adult chaperones with them. A few of them had collected these pornography cards that were scattered all over the ground and being handed out by a ton of people on the street. They were laughing and giggling over them. Adam and I walked up to them and said, "Boys, you don't need that stuff. How would your mom feel if she knew you had those?" They stopped laughing immediately and turned their heads away and looked down in shame and then walked away. They knew what they were doing was wrong.
There were high points and we did have fun walking through all of the hotels and watching the freakshow foot traffic. We saw a whole lot of skin on this trip. It's good to be home.

Quote

2011-02-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

I taught the lesson in Relief Society this week on 'Sacrifice.' Here are some of my favorite quotes that I used:

"It is not a sacrifice to live the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is never a sacrifice when you get back more than you give. It is an investment. And the living of the gospel of Jesus Christ becomes a greater investment than any of which we know because its dividends are eternal and everlasting" (Gordon B. Hinckley, Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [1997], 567-68).

"I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him?...I believe that missionaries and investigators, to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price.

For that reason I don’t believe missionary work has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul.

If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” 16 then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Kids Update

2011-02-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

We haven't been up to anything at all. We are sooooooooooo sick of winter! We are ready for sunshine and bored with tv! Come on, Spring, hurry up!

Viva Las Vegas!

2011-02-21T12:44:00.000-08:00

Adam and I are starting to get excited about our upcoming trip to Las Vegas with EF Foundation next month. They are putting us up at Caesar's Palace-- all expenses paid! While I am not a big fan of Vegas I am excited about a free trip to a fairly warm place. Two nights of food and fun without the kids! Jealous?

Boston

2011-02-21T12:11:00.000-08:00

A few weekends ago my employer, EF Foundation for Foreign Study, flew me to Boston for two nights to do some training at their corporate office. Usually, they pay for Adam to go too but this trip was just for me and 14 other people from around the U.S. We were wined and dined and it was a fantastic weekend. I arrived at my hotel at about 2:30 on Thursday and was excited to see a 3 story mall directly across the street. I headed straight over to the mall and walked around until 6:00. If I had any extra money at all then I would have tried to go see some sites but I'm sure I will get the chance to go again. Several of my managers took me and a few other colleagues to dinner at a very lovely Italian restaurant. After dinner, they walked us across the street to a very well-known pastry shop famous for their cannolis. They bought us whatever we wanted and, after much deliberation, I decided on the chocolate mousse cannoli with chocolate chips. Holy crap it was awesome! I felt my thighs expanding with each bite. I headed straight to the gym after we got back to the hotel.
Friday we spent the day in meetings at the office and then we were treated to dinner at a very upscale French restaurant. All the drinks and food we could handle. I wish I had taken a picture of our dessert that night--it was enormous, delicious, and I ate every bite. Headed straight to the gym after we got back.
Saturday morning they paid for taxis to take us over to the Harvard area and we had brunch in beautiful, quaint, cozy, Victorian style restaurant. The food was not impressive to me at all BUT the atmosphere was fantastic and it was really neat to see Harvard and MIT even if from the inside of a cab. I think my IQ rose a few points just driving by. Then it was off to the airport.
I love EF! It is such a great company to work for. The CEO always remembers my name, where I'm from, and my family. He partied with us on the cruise (he's Swedish) and he and my other bosses really seem to care about their workers in the field. They treat us to meals at places that I would never dream of going on my own because of our financial situation. Next month we're off to Las Vegas!
James, Ruby and Adam met me at the airport with tulips which Ruby kept insisting were mine but refused to let go of them. It was cute. It was really nice to be free for a few days. And I got a lot of reading done.

Lately

2011-02-01T21:40:00.000-08:00

At first, I really didn't like Adam working nights but now that he doesn't, I kind of miss my me time in the evenings. I got a lot of reading done while he was working. This is my latest read and, honestly, it was frightening but very interesting. It is clear to me that my biggest challenge as a parent is raising children who are not arrogant, lazy, obsessed with their looks and wealth, and completely in love with themselves. And it all comes down to one thing: staying connected to a loving Heavenly Father.

Here are a couple of frightening statistics:

*Within only two decades (1985-2006) there was a 30% increase of Narcissistic Personality Disorder among college students. 30% in only 20 years! That's insane!

*"In 2006, 51% of 18-25 year-olds said that 'becoming famous' was an important goal of their generation--nearly five times as many as named 'becoming more spiritual' as an important goal. A 2006 poll asked children in Britain to name 'the very best thing in the world.' The most popular answer was 'being a celebrity.' 'Good looks' and 'being rich' rounded out the top three... 'God' came in last."

How sad and scary is that?

I'm not posting this to depress anyone, as depressing as these facts are. As I was reading this book, which basically implies that we're going to hell in a hand-basket because we've turned into a self-obsessed culture, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the gospel in my life. When people have no faith or belief in any kind of a higher power, their pride runs rampant. God is no longer the center of the universe, they are. And I am by no means saying that I am humble because I know I'm not. I have a long, long way to go. However, I know I'm not the center of the universe. I'm not anything but a decent person who is trying to do good things with my life. I'm so grateful for how well the gospel acts as a parenting guide. If I can point my children to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and teach them to trust and to believe in Them and to strive to emulate Them in all that they do, that's the best guard I have against pride. The other day James was looking at the picture of Jesus on the cross with Mary at his feet and he said, "Mom, is Mary crying because she's Jesus' mom and she's so, so sad that He's on the cross?" Such tender, thoughtful, empathetic words from a four year old. I hope he will always retain that child-like faith. In so many ways, I wish I were more like my children--forgiving, loving, complete faith and trust, and humble.

What Do You Guys Think?

2011-01-31T21:30:00.000-08:00

Why I can't stop reading Mormon housewife blogs

I posted this already on Facebook last week but I was reluctant to comment too much on it since I don't want people to think I'm/Mormons are crazy.

So, friends, what do you think of this post?

A Change Gonna Come

2011-01-21T19:15:00.000-08:00

Isn't change an odd, unexpected thing sometimes? I have a love/hate relationship with change as I'm sure most people do. We got an offer on the house earlier this week and Adam and I both had a flood of emotions. Relief. Finally, we will be officially unburdened by home ownership. But mostly there was a lot of unexpected sadness. We were both a little misty-eyed as we talked about the reality of leaving our home, the only home our children have ever known, in less than two months. Two months! For years, the house has felt like dead weight-- the mortgage, the upkeep, the repairs, the mortgage, the mortgage, the mortgage, always hanging over our heads, month after month after month. So the sadness caught me a little off-guard. I finally realized that I really do love our home. Over the years I've called it many a name but when it comes down to it, it's been a great little home. We love our ward and have made so many wonderful friends. Our neighbors are the most Christian-like neighbors in the world. Our kids love our house; it's their home. I'm not looking forward to hearing James ask after we move when we can go back to our house.
The interesting part is that the couple who made the offer is family to an acquaintance of ours so we looked them up on Facebook. Their pictures were for public viewing and it was like looking at ourselves five years ago when we bought the house. They are a very nice couple with an infant. I couldn't help but think about how excited we were when we bought this house, our first house. We had so many plans for our lives, for the house, for our family. Life really hasn't gone the way we thought it would. I guess that's the beauty of youth; we're so naive and inexperienced and full of optimism. It's very sad to think about all of the money spent updating the house only to lose it all and allow someone else to enjoy it. I am very happy, though, that this lovely family will be buying our home and not some faceless investor who would turn it into a rental. If this couple was like us, then I know they are excited to move in to their new home and start the next phase of their lives. I know they must really love it because they would have chosen one of the other 1000's of homes on the market in this area. It makes me happy to think that someone else really will enjoy and appreciate the fruits of our labors. I hope they enjoy our house as much as we did. It's small and the yard looks horrid and it only has one bathroom, but it was our home and it was good to us.
Now we look to the future and we are still optimistic and hopeful but a little more cautiously then we were five years ago. I know Heavenly Father is moving us in this direction for a reason. It was time for a change and now a change has come. We have two job prospects in the works so anything is possible. I know we will be taken care of now matter what happens. "Consider the lilies..."

Post-Op

2011-01-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of James right before they took him back to the OR. It's clear that the "happy juice" had taken effect.
His surgery went really well and the dentist was very pleased that he was able to save his one really bad tooth. He was expecting it to be infected but was very happy that it was clean and fixable. Recovery went well and he had no negative side effects from the anesthesia. I am so thankful that excellent health care if so accessible in this country. I am thankful for modern science and medicines which keeps our children happy and healthy. I know these things are unobtainable luxuries for millions and millions of people in the world. That smile is priceless!

On a completely unrelated note, today in the car he said out of nowhere that he was not "ever going to marry any dumb ladies because fireman don't marry ladies so I'm not going to marry any dumb ladies." Well, I guess that settles it.

Adam and Settling

2011-01-12T19:28:00.000-08:00

I was at the library earlier this week and saw this book on the shelf and was instantly drawn to it. Why? Don't worry, I'm not thinking about leaving Adam. I guess I just love to read about relationships and what makes them work. This book was so fascinating that I could not stop reading it. I finished it in less than two days. Even Adam started reading it. It's all about expectations, judgment, and superficiality when it comes to choosing a mate.
This book got me thinking about a lot of things but mostly about Adam and I and how we met and dated and finally decided to get married. Let me just say that our dating relationship was tumultuous, a bit like a roller coaster.
I related a lot to some of the women in this book when I was single. Before I met Adam, I had a pretty specific idea of the "type" of guy that I wanted to marry-- edgy, but not too edgy, intellectual, had to love books/literature, had to like music, had to be witty and fun, a strong testimony, good family, brunette, definitely HAD to be older than me, a returned missionary, NOT a business major, good teeth, nice hands, a certain type of dresser, etc, etc, etc. You get the idea. I rejected several men because I felt like they just weren't my "type." I was, however, completely (or so I thought) in love with a friend of mine for five years and I kept thinking that someday he would decide to feel the same way about me. We were in the same ward and one day after church I came home and FINALLY realized that it was never going to happen. I said a prayer and told Heavenly Father that I was ready to get married but didn't know what I needed to do and that I was open to suggestions. I got the impression that I needed to start looking beyond my expectations and to broaden my horizons.
It was only a few weeks later that my sister and I went to a CES broadcast together and she stopped by to pick up Adam because she felt sorry for him because he just got home from his mission and didn't have any friends. Keep in mind that I was 26 at the time and he was 21. Well, he came out of his house and he looked so hot but definitely young. Anyway, from there it eventually led to dating. As I got to know him, I wanted to break up with him because he was so young, he didn't like books, he wasn't an academic. The things that kept me hanging on were that he had an incredibly strong testimony and took the gospel very seriously, he came from a great family, he was a hard worker, and we shared a love for travel.
Well, we broke up more than a few times because of my reservations and he had some because he had never dated anyone before me and felt that he needed to gain more experience before he decided to get married. We dated for about nine months, going back and forth. He finally decided to spend a month in Europe and broke up before he left. I guess you could say that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder because it gave me a lot of time to think. I finally realized that, just because we didn't share many hobbies, didn't mean we were incompatible and that what we did share was by far the most important-- love of the gospel and similar views on raising children and the importance of family.
Obviously, we did decide to get married even though we were both very scared. And you know what I've realized since then is that similar hobbies really don't matter. Especially once you start having kids because you don't have time for those things anymore anyway. What bonds us together is watching our children grow, going through struggles together, and trying to live good lives. One of my single friends told me awhile ago that he wasn't interested in someone because there wasn't a 'spark' but I'm here to say that my best relationship didn't start with a spark but more of a warmness that eventually turned into lasting love.
Adam hates it when I tell this story because he always interprets it as me deciding to "settle" on him but that's not my point at all. My point is, I was being way too judgmental and petty to actually give ANY one a chance-- no one was ever good enough. I'm really glad that I learned that lesson in time to meet Adam and actually give him a chance. I'm amazed now that I ever got married. I love Adam and this book has helped me appreciate my him and our decision even more. I have it pretty darn good--I have a good relationship built on mutual understanding, commitment, and selflessness, although I know I can do better in the latter area.
In retrospect, it amazes me how I ended up with someone totally unlike all of the other guys I had dated. Even some of my male friends didn't quite get why I kept dating him and eventually married him. I think, at the time, they thought that maybe I was settling but that just wasn't the case. I just finally came to the realization that my expectations were totally unrealistic and that if I wanted to be married and happy then I needed to really narrow down what was important.
I guess I got caught up in the misconception of the romantic comedy romance. It's a lie-- a myth devised to distort what love is and convince women that we're princesses. Real love takes actual work and I'm not totally sure that I really even knew what love was when I got married. I loved Adam then but not anywhere close to how much I love him today. And to think that I almost dumped him for good... what a fool I was.
PS: There is also a fascinating section on divorce.

Christmas 2010

2011-01-03T21:43:00.001-08:00

We had a fantastic Christmas! The kids were overly blessed with gifts. James was up by 6:30am and he was so excited! We let him open presents without Ruby since she usually sleeps until 7:30 or 8. We knew it would be impossible to hold James off for that long. My mom bought each of the kids a very nice toy to open from Santa Christmas morning-- a new bike for James and an awesome interactive dollhouse for Ruby which she LOVES! Also, a few nights before Christmas I heard a knock at the door. When I opened the door no one was there but a large bag with two wrapped gifts was on the doorstep labeled for each of the kids from "Santa" and an envelope for Adam and I. I suspect it was someone very generous and thoughtful from the ward. The gift for James turned out to be a fire station (he was thrilled!) and a new doll for Ruby (she loves babies!). It really made Christmas extra special knowing that someone was thinking of us and specifically our children. I really hope that someday we will be a position to do fun things like that for people.
The rest of the day was pretty hectic. We raced over to Adam's parents and opened more gifts then went to my family's where we opened more gifts then back to Adam's parents so we could talk to Uncle Aaron who's serving in Brazil then home by 6:30. We were all totally exhausted but it was great to have spent the day with family.

James' Diagnosis

2010-12-30T19:24:00.001-08:00

I know I should be posting about Christmas but I'm too tired and sick to download the photos and then write a post about them. Instead, this post is about the non-Christmas related events that have been happening around here, mostly about James.
We had a very interesting week leading up to Christmas. Adam got a call out of the blue from the man he had been working with for a year to get THE job that he was officially rejected for a few months ago. Another position has opened up in the company in Utah and this guy called Adam and invited us to attend a Christmas party at his home where several other reps with the same company would be in attendance. He seemed pretty excited about us coming and for the opportunity for Adam to network with these guys. We were so excited to have been invited and I was less excited about actually attending. I really had no desire to go and make small talk but I was, of course, ready to put on my party face and make a great impression. The night we were to leave for said party, this guy calls Adam and says he's really sorry but he didn't check with his wife first before inviting us and she was really upset because she had planned for a specific number of people. Basically, he was uninviting us. WHO DOES THAT? Anyway, so we canceled our plans and they had a nice conversation about him setting up a meeting for Adam with a really good contact in the company after the first of the year. So, it wasn't that bad. The guy is still going way out of his way to try and help Adam land this other job. It's pretty flattering actually considering this guy really doesn't even know Adam that well but has been so impressed with him that he really wants to work with him within the company. At least we have a ray of hope that a better job is in the works for us. It's pretty frightening to even get our hopes up because it honestly was like dealing with a death after we didn't get that job. It was one of the hardest times of our married life. Hopefully, 2011 will be a good year for us.
Anyway, moving on to James. So, a few days before Christmas James started screaming again from tooth pain. I called our dentist and of course he was out of the office until January 3rd. I talked to the receptionist for a while and explained the situation. She said, "Well, I would just be really surprised if there is anything wrong if you just had him in a couple of weeks ago and the doctor thought everything looked good."
Me-- "Well, how do you explain his screaming in pain, then?"
Her-- "Oh, I don't know I just do paperwork."
The conversation ended with her saying she would call the dentist and she would call me right back. Yeah, right. I could tell by her tone that I wasn't going to hear from her. So I asked her if she could at least recommend a pediatric dentist and she said no that I would just have to call around and good luck because everyone was probably already gone for the holiday. I felt like screaming at her, "Merry Christmas to you too, you heartless jerk!" Oh yeah, and she also said I would have a hard time since he's on Medicaid and most doctors aren't taking any more Medicaid patients. I was already starting to panic enough as it was without her telling me all of this.
I went to the Medicaid website and started calling all of the pediatric dentists on the list (only about 15 total). Every office I called either didn't accept Medicaid anymore or they were closed for the holidays. I was freaking out. I have a child screaming in pain and no one would help us because he's on Medicaid. Why should my child have to suffer just because he's on Medicaid? It's not his fault that they don't reimburse enough to cover costs. And there was no way in hell I was going to take him to the butcher shop known as Small Smiles. The reviews I've read about that place are chilling.
Finally! The last dentist, Dr. Larry Meadors, answered the phone and cheerfully said they could see him the Monday after Christmas. I was so relieved that someone was willing to help us.
I took him in on Monday and they took x-rays (first dentist office hadn't done x-rays in over a year) and the x-rays showed that his tooth was almost rotted and needed to be pulled and a spacer put in for the permanent tooth. His molar on the other side needs to have a pulpotomy and there are two other really small cavaties that need to be filled. Finally, some answers as to why he has been screaming in pain. Poor little guy. I would venture to say that he has had problems since Halloween with this but our family dentist seemed to think everything was fine.
Dr. Meadors wants to put him out and do surgery at the hospital since he's so little and there's quite a bit of work that needs to be done. The crappy part? The hospital initially set his appointment for February 3rd! The soonest they had an operating room. There was a cancelation so now his appointment is January 13th which is still three weeks away. We are supposed to just ride it out on codeine until then. I feel so frustrated and helpless. He's not really sleeping unless he's doped up and he's cranky and tired during the day. I'm thankful we at least have a plan in place but I pray there will be another cancelation so we can get into the OR even sooner. I hate seeing him suffer. I am absolutely powerless to alleviate his pain other than with codeine and a lot of times he still screams for another 30 minutes until the medication starts to take effect. My poor little James has been suffering all this time.
I asked Dr. Meadors why he has all of these problems when we brush very faithfully twice a day and I'm the one doing the brushing. He said some kids just have weaker teeth than others.

Fam Update

2010-12-15T19:16:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I haven't posted anything in a long time that has really been going on in our family. A while ago I started noticing that James has been increasingly tired and lethargic. I didn't really think it was anything until it wouldn't go away. He has been agitated, irritable, and chronically fatigued. I thought maybe he had mono or an elusive infection of some kind so I took him to our family practitioner. The doc examined him and couldn't find anything outwardly wrong with him so he ordered a blood draw and then referred us to a pediatric cardiologist after he detected a normal-sounding murmur.
His blood work came back normal according to our family physician.
A few days later James was complaining about a tooth that he has had worked on before and I thought immediately that that must be the root of his problems. I took him to the dentist on Monday and the dentist was very pleased with the way his tooth looked and didn't even charge us for the visit but called it a "follow-up" appointment (best dentist ever!). I left with mixed emotions. I was certainly happy that his tooth was fine and no more work was required but I was also wondering what was wrong with him.
We also met with the cardiologist on Monday and an ultrasound of his heart was conducted. She said the murmur that our family physician had heard was a thickening of his aortic valve that makes a strange sound when his heart pumps. She said that at this time it isn't restricting blood flow but it will need to be checked every two years or so as he grows as it will continue to thicken as stiffen with age. She said the likelihood of it ever restricting blood flow is fairly small which is good. However, she wants to monitor his heart for 24 hours (EKG) this Friday just to make sure his heart impulses are "firing" correctly.
She also said that his thyroid levels on his blood test were borderline low and they will recheck in a month to make sure that he really is a little low on TSH and not just some fluke. This diagnosis makes the most sense to me. Thyroid problems run rampant in my family including myself, my father, and my brother. It would also explain his chronic fatigue and somewhat restless sleep. Although a hypothyroid person my feel fatigued all of the time, it actually inhibits sleep. I can personally testify to that. However, I guess we will see what the second test reveals. Although I would never wish that diagnosis on my child, I'm hoping that's what the problem is-- it's easy to treat, it's not life-threatening, and it would finally explain why my little man is so, so tired all of the time.

As for Ruby, we moved her into James' room which has helped with bedtime immensely. I no longer have to lay down with James while he goes to sleep which I actually didn't mind because it only took about 5-10 minutes. It has also helped with James not getting up in the night to come into our room. I guess he was just lonely and scared and wanted a little company. Ruby has adjusted well to the change and I think it has sort of brought them closer together. They have been playing more together the last few days.
Ruby is growing so fast and has transformed from a baby into a little girl seemingly overnight. She ends many of her sentences with, "right, mom?" or "right, James?" It's pretty adorable. She is like her mom in that she loves to make people laugh. She's always making these crazy faces with her eyes rolled back in her head and then she laughs and laughs. She seems much more carefree than James.
Adam started working nights I think two weeks ago now? Something like that. It's been pretty sucky adjusting to the new schedule. I know the kids miss him and I feel like I never see him. I have felt like a single parent since he started this new shift. I'm grateful he has a job but I really hope it's just temporary until something better comes along.

Post Script--Music

2010-12-15T11:45:00.000-08:00

After writing my entry on music, I laid in bed last night and couldn't stop thinking about some of my musical obsessions over the years and when I say obsession I mean I bought at least two albums from one artist or group. Here are some of my musical loves throughout the years:
Neil Young
REM
U2
Bob Marley
Clumsy Lovers
Ani DiFranco
Sarah Maclachlan
Alison Krauss
Ryan Adams
Bare Naked Ladies
The Beatles
Rolling Stones
Garth Brooks
Tom Petty
Elton John
Michael Jackson
Ben Folds Five
Beck
Violent Femmes
Green Day
Built to Spill
Ray Charles
Lyle Lovett
The Cure
Ben Harper
Prince
Elvis
Modest Mouse
Paul Simon
Johnny Cash
Cake
Beach Boys
Weezer
Talking Heads
I also went through a classic rock phase in high school. Every morning senior year I had the Eagles, CCR, or Steve Miller blasting.
I love classic country as well along with classic jazz and blues along the lines of Etta James and Billie Holliday, Patsy Cline.
There are so many music loves. I almost don't want to publish this list because it's definitely not comprehensive. I've only listed some of the artists that I have multiple albums of.
You may wonder why I chose to blog about something that no one really cares about other than myself. Here's the reason-- music was such a huge part of my life before I got married. My friends and I talked about music and books a lot. We spent a lot of time on the weekends going to concerts or hanging out in smoky bars to hear a favorite band play or to dance the night away. I guess one of the reasons I decided to start a blog in the first place was so that I could have a place to write about who I am both as a mother as well as the non-mother part of me. Some days I feel so disconnected from my non-mother part of who I am and sometimes I miss it. This is who I am outside of motherhood and I hope to be able to pass on my passion for music to my children.
Who are some of your music obsessions?

The Avett Brothers - I And Love And You

2010-12-14T20:56:00.000-08:00

My favorite song right now. Lead singer is pretty hot too.

Music Geek

2010-12-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

I love music. It is one of my absolute favorite things in the universe. In saying that, you are probably thinking, "Doesn't everybody?" Yes, and that's what makes it so great. I would have gone insane years ago without music. Any time in my life when I felt sad or depressed, angry or happy I would turn to a wide selection of music and work out my emotions. It's amazing how you can be instantly transported back in time simply by hearing the first few notes of a particular song.
I guess I consider myself a bit of a music geek, not a musical talent or prodigy as I am neither of those things but rather a respectful admirer of the power of music.
I started taking piano lessons when I was about seven. That was the year my parents bought a piano and me and my older brothers all started taking lessons. I am very grateful that my parents did not let me quit lessons even though I wanted to many times. Finally, in eighth or ninth grade my dad said I could quit as soon as I could play all of the hymns in the hymnbook. Well, that became my goal and, unfortunately, I did quit shortly after since neither my dad nor myself recognized that hymns aren't exactly the height of piano playing ability. At any rate, it put a lot of my focus on the hymns and primary songs and that has been a huge blessing in my life. As I practiced, I would sing all of the verses in my head and now I know many of the hymns including all of the verses. Hymns or arrangements of hymns are still my favorite pieces to play because of the spirit I feel when I play them.
I lacked a lot of confidence growing up and so I never pursued sports or other extracurricular activities other than choir. I sang in choir throughout elementary, junior high and high school not that you can tell by my voice, believe me, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
This past Sunday our ward choir participated in our annual Stake Choir Christmas concert. It was so great to be able to participate and to sing Christmas carols. I love Christmas and the music is a huge part of that especially Handel's "Messiah." I honestly can not imagine music any more beautiful than that.
A chapter in one of my favorite books, " A Natural History of the Senses" is devoted to music and discusses it's effects on us emotionally, physically, and socially. It's fascinating reading if anyone is interested.
Anyway, that's it. Love music and life would seriously be dull without it.

Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!

2010-12-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THIS!!

Lessons I Learned as a Boy

2010-12-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

I love this video! Makes me cry every time especially when I hear Pres. Hinckley's voice start to crack. I miss him!

Tree Detail

2010-12-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

This year I decided to add a few more ornaments to the tree. I was having a hard time deciding when I came across an article in one of those cooking/housekeeping/decorating type magazines. The article was about how to decorate a tree using inexpensive materials. One of the ideas was to string real ribbon candy and hang it on the tree. Now, why didn't I ever think of that? I love the look of ribbon candy although I detest the taste of it. And the best part? I only paid two bucks for 12 pieces. Not bad. Oh, and they look pretty on the tree.

Great Read

2010-12-01T13:34:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a lot more lately. For some odd reason, I am on a John Grisham kick which is kind of strange for me because I typically try to avoid a lot of mainstream books. However, I have found a guilty pleasure in his books. They are like brain candy-- super easy reads, entertaining, and requires almost absolutely no thought.
This past week, I decided to take a break from Grisham and picked up Bill Bryson's new book instead titled "At Home: A Short History of Private Life." I could not put this book down. It's non-fiction and contains the short histories of nearly everything--bathing, sewers, children in Victorian England, gynecology, architecture, clothes, corsets, etc, etc. Utterly fascinating. Each page was filled with seemingly incomprehensible details about private life primarily during the Victorian (1840ish-early 1900s) era. All I can say after finishing this book is thank goodness I did not live back then. I can't imagine a more disgusting, dirty, filthy, loathsome existence and I am so thankful to live in this modern age of cleanliness. One poor district in London during the 1800's, had six inches of excrement on tenement front "lawns" and another three feet of it in the basement. They didn't believe in bathing because they thought dirty, clogged pours actually kept you from getting sick. One man reportedly after death had not bathed in so long that when they took his undershirt off, it actually took patches of skin with it. Oh, and don't even get me started on the corpse problems. Apparently, the stench was so horrific at most churches (coffins were stacked in the basement and that's how churches made most of their money. One large church had around 20,000 coffins in the basement alone!) that several people fainted during services. Eventually, people stopped attending church altogether.
Anyway, a fascinating, engrossing book. I really hated to see it end. So if you are looking for a good read, I highly recommend this one.
What good books have you read lately?

James Speaks

2010-11-23T20:42:00.000-08:00

The other night, Adam and I took the kids to the mall so they could run around and work out their energy. On our way back to the car we walked through Dillard's and James was riding in the stroller. He had one of those toy microphones that echoes when you speak into it. We were passing through the shoe department where a headless mannequin was situated in the middle of the aisle and dressed in fishing gear. I hear James say, "Attention! Everybody needs to leave the store. There's a fisherman without a head!" It was hilarious at the time. It still makes me giggle as I can hear his little voice making his mock announcement.

The Long and the Short of It

2010-11-15T13:57:00.001-08:00

I haven't really felt like posting lately. At least, not about anything that's really going on in our lives. Mostly, because there isn't a lot to report and what I do have to say is kind of negative. But, just to summarize some key events from the past month or two:

--Adam started working at DirecTV in the call center. Let's just say that Adam hating his job is a bit of an understatement.
--Decided to short sell the house like everyone else in America. I can't express my anger and frustration with our government and the mortgage crisis. I can't really think about it or else I get really upset. It sickens me that so much money was WASTED on government bailouts when every adult in the US could have personally been given enough money to significantly pay down or completely pay off our mortgages. Oh, how it angers me. And then, no one will help you UNLESS you are behind at least one payment. Hello! We needed help two years ago when Adam first lost his job but we struggled EVERY month to make our payment on time and maintain stellar credit. It's such a joke. A mortgage company would rather wait until you fall behind and the seller is either forced to short sell or the home goes into foreclosure and the bank LOSES a ton of money. It's insanity. If they would have worked with us before we fell behind and refinanced our mortgage, they would not be losing 50,000k plus dollars. The absolute stupidity of it all is completely mind boggling to me. It's such a waste for everyone involved.
--Decided not to take a full time job that was offered to me that actually paid pretty decently. Here's my reasoning--we aren't trying to save the house at this point. There's no valid reason to try to save it. And, as much as my kids drive me crazy sometimes, I am more than willing to go without a lot of things so that I can be home with them. I had to do several days of training before I was offered the job and those few days were horrible. James cried and said he didn't want me to go and that he wanted to be with me. I'm sorry, but it's just not worth it to me. I'll drive a crappy, piece of a car, and I'll wear the same clothes until they are worn out, or whatever, but I'm willing to pay that price to be at home. I was praying about whether I should take the job or not and I really felt that Heavenly Father would bless us for trying to do what He wants us to do. We talked about Adam quitting and me working since the job I was offered paid quite a bit more but it just didn't feel right to either or us. Adam is to provide and I am to take care of James and Ruby. I'm still looking for a part-time job, however.
--Moved out a bunch of stuff from our house over the weekend since, eventually, we won't be living here. It felt good to get rid of four car/truck loads of stuff.
--I guess that's about it. This has been a very humbling experience. It was so completely devastating to not get THE job a couple of months ago. I think we are just now starting to come out of the depression a little bit. I try to focus on the fact that we are all healthy, our family is intact, we have the gospel, and we have awesome friends and family. I guess in the end, those are the things that really matter and everything else is a nice bonus.

Veteran's Day

2010-11-11T15:40:00.000-08:00

Taken from a speech by Ronald Reagan given on Veteran's Day at the Vietnam Memorial.

"This memorial has become a monument to that living love. The thousands who come to see the names testify to a love that endures. The messages and mementos they leave speak with a whispering voice that passes gently through the surrounding trees and to out across the breast of our peaceful nation: a childhood teddy bear, a photograph of the son or daughter born too late to know his or her father, a battle ribbon, a note -- there are so many of these, and all are testimony to our living love for them. And our nation itself is testimony to the love our veterans have had for it and for us. Our liberties, our values, all for which America stands is safe today because brave men and women have been ready to face the fire at freedom's front. And we thank God for them.

Yes, gentle heroes and living love and our memories of a time when we faced great divisions here at home. And yet if this place recalls all this, both sweet and sad, it also reminds us of a great and profound truth about our nation: that from all our divisions we have always eventually emerged strengthened. Perhaps we are finding that new strength today, and if so, much of it comes from the forgiveness and healing love that our Vietnam veterans have shown.

For too long a time, they stood in a chill wind, as if on a winter night's watch. And in that night, their deeds spoke to us, but we knew them not. And their voices called to us, but we heard them not. Yet in this land that God has blessed, the dawn always at last follows the dark, and now morning has come. The night is over. We see these men and know them once again -- and know how much we owe them, how much they've given us, and how much we can never fully repay. And not just as individuals but as a nation, we say we love you."

Say what you will about Reagan, the man was an amazing speaker, thanks in large part to Peggy Noonan his preeminent speech writer.

2010-11-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

Just stumbled onto this blog that just has photos of temples. Some of the photos are pretty amazing and beautiful. It's worth checking out www.templephotos.blogspot.com

October Ensign

2010-11-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed last month's Ensign, the edition that was all about temples. I think my children liked it even more. They spent more time pouring over the pages and examining all of the beautiful photos of the exteriors and interiors of various temples from around the world. They were so excited to find it in the mail and eagerly opened it and flipped through the pages. James asked me a lot of questions about each picture. He wanted to know the name/location of each temple and then asked me all about the photos of the celestial rooms, sealing rooms, and baptismal font. He sat enthralled as I told him about how Adam and I knelt at the alter and held hands and we were sealed together forever and ever and because we were married in the temple then we would always be a family, even in heaven. I am so grateful that I have a testimony and that I can teach my children eternal truths.

Another Classic

2010-11-10T20:47:00.001-08:00

James' prayer tonight: "Please bless that a mustache will grow on me." That one came out of nowhere. I hate to laugh because it only encourages him to be disruptive during prayer time but I couldn't hold back on that one.

Prayer

2010-11-02T13:36:00.000-07:00

The night before we left Boise for the cruise, James said the family prayer. He said, "Please bless me that you'll make me a genie." I busted up laughing. Prayer time is never a dull moment.

James

2010-11-02T13:19:00.001-07:00

I received one of the nicest compliments about James this past Sunday. He had two male teachers as substitutes for his primary class and one of them was President Belnap (for those of you who know who he is). For those of you who don't know who he is, he is a former stake president, bishop, and counselor in the Boise Mission, and current high councilor. The man is intense and honestly intimidates me a bit. He looks and talks like a general authority and, even though I don't know him well at all, I respect him a lot. Anyway, as soon as Primary was over (I happened to be in there because James was giving the closing prayer in closing exercises), President Belnap made a beeline for me and then told me how impressed he was with my boy. He said James gave very deep, thoughtful answers when questions were asked, he sat very quietly and raised his hand. When he asked the class what their favorite story of Jesus was, James said, "When he died on the cross." President Belnap said that James explained and understood doctrine better than some adults. WOW! That was really amazing to hear from someone with an outside perspective. It made me think about a lesson I gave a while ago in Relief Society about how we bring spiritual gifts with us from the premortal world. I have always felt that one of James' inherent gifts is his ability to comprehend the doctrines of the gospel. I'm not really sure how to explain it but I'm sure all of you mothers out there feel the same way about your children's special gifts. James is a ponderer and will randomly ask me deep questions about the atonement and stories from the scriptures. His simple faith strengthens my testimony and faith and keeps me going when I really want to be weak.

Halloween Season

2010-11-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

We played pretty hard this weekend. Friday night, we attended my parents' ward trunk or treat. Saturday morning, we went to Boo at the Zoo with Mo and Mia, Saturday night we went to our own ward's trunk or treat, and then trick or treating Sunday night with all of the cousins. James and Ruby were pretty worn out by Sunday night and our house is overflowing with candy at the moment. Ruby was the cutest lil' Mickey Mouse I've ever seen (of course). It was fun celebrating Halloween for three days, stretching it out and making the most of the holiday.
We also took the kids to a pumpkin patch earlier in the month which was a lot of fun.
The other pics are with cousins.

Cruisin'

2010-10-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday morning Adam, my sisters Charity and Emily, my brother Bryan, and I flew to Miami. We spent one night at the Hilton by the airport and near little Havana. There really wasn't much to do close to our hotel so we just hung out at the pool, went to the gym, and walked down to a local grocery store. It is safe to say that we were definitely the minority in that area. Almost everyone walking on the streets, working in the stores and restaurants, driving our shuttles, etc were all from Cuba.
The next day, we were shuttled over to the Miami Port and boarded our cruise ship. We spent the next five days and four nights aboard The Majesty of the Seas, making stops in Key West, Florida, the Bahamas, and an island paradise called Coco Cay.
EF generously paid for everything (airfare, cruise, gratuities, drinks, shuttles, and hotel) for everyone in my party.
In Key West, we rented a 6 person golf cart and cruised around the island, stopping to take in the beach, shops, an old cemetery, and Ernest Hemingway's house. It was fun and I'm really glad we decided to rent it. We were able to see a lot more than if we had opted to walk. Although we had fun in Key West, I really have no desire to ever go back. It was severely overrun with tourism and the surrounding water wasn't even blue or clear.
The next day, we stopped in Nassau, Bahamas. EF paid for us to go on a snorkeling excursion which took the majority of the afternoon. They took us out on a katamaran and we snorkeled for about an hour around a coral reef. The water was uh-mazing. Absolutely beautiful, crystal clear and warm. We saw a lot of beautiful fish and swallowed a lot of sea water.
By the time we got back to land, a major thunderstorm hit and we ended up getting sopping wet while trying to get back on the cruise ship. We decided to stay on the ship for dinner since it was free anyway rather than try to head back into the storm. After dinner, we got a taxi and went over to Atlantis resort to check out the aquarium and view the grandeur of the largest resort in the Caribbean. On our way to Atlantis, our taxi driver took us to a very scary looking liquor store so that my brother could by some rum for some coworkers who gave him money to bring some back. (That's a whole story in itself)
On board, the ship itself was pretty fun. While it's not exactly my absolute ideal vacation, it was fun and how can I complain when it's free? There were a lot of activities to do on board. We went to the gym and danced every night to 70's, 80's, and top 40's music. We also sang karaoke, hung out on deck staring at the ocean (I saw a dolphin!), played games, hung out by the pool, saw some shows, and ate, and ate, and ate. I was so sick of eating by the end of the trip.
Our last day was by far the best day of the cruise. We spent the entire day at an island owned by the cruise line. It was so amazing. The beach was saturated with shells, the water was indescribably beautiful, warm and clear, and the sand was as soft as cookie dough. Adam and I played beach volleyball, we played in the water all day, had a beach barbecue, and then ended the day at the aqua park. The aqua park was so fun complete with a trampoline, and super fast slide that sent us soaring into the ocean. Holy awesome! I found a starfish, my sisters saw two stingrays, colorful fish abounded, and we had the water and beach to ourselves for the most part. It was sad when we had to leave and head back to the ship.
All in all, it was a really fun trip. I'm glad my sisters and brother were able to go. They really made the trip a lot more fun.
As for James and Ruby, they spent most of the week at grandma's. I can honestly say that I really didn't miss them that much until I got home and then I realized how glad I was to see them. However, it was really nice to have a break from the fighting, and the screaming, and the tantrums, and the parental responsibility. I love my kids but I also love having a break from them once or twice a year. They were really happy to see us. Sadly, it's back to reality for us now. Adam starts his glamorous job at DirectTV tomorrow. He was a little depressed about it today. Oh well, I'm hoping it won't be for long.

Bahamas!

2010-09-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

In a few weeks, Adam and I are going on our FREE cruise to the Bahamas! I had so many travel points from placing students that I am also taking my two sisters and brother all for free! Should be a great time. I didn't even want to go because I was so depressed but now I am getting excited and I'm sure it will do us some good to get away from our lives for a week.

Eternal Perspective

2010-09-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

Don't you just hate hearing the phrase "eternal perspective" sometimes? Especially when it relates directly to you? Perhaps I hate the phrase sometimes because I'm not actually ready yet to accept that things happen for a reason and I have no control over the situation except for how I react to it.

The details of what went down earlier this week are as follows:

Sort of realized Monday night it was going to happen as his application status had been changed to "No longer being considered." We had to wait an agonizing night before this information could be confirmed. We were hoping and praying it was some mistake.

Tuesday morning Adam gets a call from his contact he's been working with for the last year and he tells Adam that, unfortunately, someone had applied at the last minute with experience and they got along well. They couldn't justify not hiring him over Adam who has no experience in the operating room.

Some good news-- His contact said that he, the VP and Regional Manager who all interviewed Adam in his last interview, were completely blown away and impressed with his persistence, preparation, and interviewing skills. He said that he personally learned a lot from Adam and to not be discouraged. He said that the VP and Regional Manager were so impressed that they have already made the effort to contact people both within and without the company and that they really want Adam on their team wherever they can get him.

That helped soften the blow a little bit. Then, the RM called Adam later that night and basically said the same thing and that another division was going to be making some personnel changes in the near future and he would do all that he could to help him get the job if he is interested. I mentioned all of this to my brother, Greg, who works in the industry and he said that is a HUGE deal that those guys would even take the time to do something like that. Greg said they must have been super impressed to go to those lengths because that never happens in business. Higher-ups don't care, they move on with life, and business is business.

We were talking to Adam's dad yesterday and he said when he gave Adam a blessing right before his final interview, he just didn't feel like this was his job but he definitely felt like this was the right company and the right direction.

I know Adam still has some residual anger and he's very confused and depressed about this because he had received several strong impressions that THIS was his job. I think perhaps Heavenly Father wanted him to feel that way so that he would try his very hardest to stand out and impress them. Which he did. I guess the Lord doesn't want us in Salt Lake and, for whatever reason, not that particular job. I DO know that, throughout this year-long process, he has gained some powerful allies and connections and that OUR job will be found through those people. We have prayed and expected miracles. In this case, it takes time to bring about a miracle.

This morning, I read a quote by Neal A. Maxwell: "The thermostat on the furnace of affliction will not have been set too high for us--though clearly we may think so at the time. Our God is a refining God who has been tempering soul-steel for a very long time. He knows when the right edge has been put upon our excellence and also when there is more in us than we have yet given. One day we will praise God for taking us near to our limits--as He did His Only Begotten in Gethsemane and Calvary."

Adam and I have definitely struggled during the last two years but we have always been able to get by with my job, unemployment, sporadic work for Adam. We are, in a sense, stepping into the dark. With ZERO income now (my job is over), perhaps the hardest and final part of this trial is beginning. "We receive no witness until after the trial of our faith." This is it. We're down to nothing and now we have to trust that the Lord will guide us through the dark and into the light.

For the past month, Adam has been attending the temple daily. He made a covenant with the Lord that he would attend every day until he found a job. Yesterday, he was angry and didn't want to go. I decided I would go in his place with my sister and parents. As I was getting ready to leave, he was ironing his shirt and preparing his clothes for a morning session. It made me cry because that's why I married him. Because he has more faith than anyone I have ever seen. He is always willing and ready to sacrifice his time and his talents. He is always the first to volunteer for anything in the church, one of the few who stays to clean up after every ward activity, always ready to jump in and help wherever he is needed.

In Case You Are Wondering...

2010-09-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

Church Day

2010-09-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days when I feel like I didn't even go to church. My children were so embarrassingly loud and disruptive that Adam and I got NOTHING out of sacrament meeting and then we took turns helping out in the nursery. When Adam was serving as the Ward Mission leader a while ago, he went out to do visits with the ex-stake president/ex-Boise Mission councilor/ex-Bishop/current high counselor. This guys is super spiritual and talks like a general authority. They went to visit a less-active member of our ward and the general authority-like spiritual giant starts talking to the guy about sacrament meeting and how it's the highlight of his week to be able to sit for a few quiet moments and ponder the mission of our Savior. Adam and I have talked about that several times and how 99% of our sacrament meetings post-children have been anything BUT quiet and peaceful, not even leaving a few moments of quiet time to reflect on the sacrifice of our Savior. The less-active they were visiting was a young father of two small children like ourselves and Adam told him that he (Adam) doesn't usually get moments of reflection during sacrament meeting but he continues to go because he knows it's spiritually vital for himself and his family. Today was one of those days at church.
I must report, though, that James is consistently one of THE best kids in primary. And I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom. Teachers and leaders tell me all the time how he sits so quietly on the front row with his Sunbeam class and sings the songs and is never disruptive. It's amazing to me because he is the exact opposite at home. He is so obedient when Adam and I aren't around. I wonder when he will start being obedient for us.

Ruby Pics

2010-09-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Here are some random pictures of Ruby. She's obsessed with her "bike" that she got for her birthday. She wants to ride it all the time.
We lost one of the lenses to her sunglasses but she still wanted to wear them and we are too cheap to buy her a new pair. She's content with these and calls them her "pirate sunglasses." Grandma ended up buying her a new pair because she said it was spooky looking at Ruby in the rear view mirror. That made me laugh.

Been on my Mind Lately

2010-09-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

A good talk and a good reminder.

"A second bit of advice I would give my son is do not bear false witness. It’s easy to do. We do it all the time. We love the juicy morsel about what someone did or what someone thought they did. “If you can’t say anything good about a person, don’t say anything at all”—you’ve heard that over and over again.

I don’t speak of times when a person is on trial and you are testifying in a court. I speak of the times when you thoughtlessly brand someone with a trait or an act, which may or may not be true, but which you heard; and with a certain amount of pleasure you enjoy repeating the tale to your associates. It is dangerous business.

One time I was conducting a conference in Salt Lake City and President George F. Richards of the Council of the Twelve was there. I invited him to speak, and he said, no, he didn’t care to speak but to go ahead. So I began to speak, and I told them that if they ever told a story about anybody, that story would stick to that person no matter how long he lived, and it would be believed by most people, and therefore they must not bear false witness.

While I was speaking, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and there stood President Richards right behind me, and he said, “I’ve changed my mind. I want to speak.”

He said words about like this: “Once upon a time I was a high councilor in a stake, and somebody made a serious accusation against a man. We debated whether to have him in and try him. Finally, the stake president decided he would talk to him privately, and apparently he did, and the man proved to the satisfaction of all of us that not only was he not guilty of the accusation, but he hadn’t even been in the country when it was supposed to have taken place. He was away somewhere, and he couldn’t possibly have done it.”

He said, “Forty years went by, and that man’s name came up for a very high appointment in the Church. In spite of myself, I caught myself wondering if the story told about the man was true, even though it had been proven false.

I had to get hold of myself to keep from voting negatively against that man on a false story told forty years before that was proved false.” Then he sat down, and I continued speaking.

That can happen to you. And if it is told about you, you’ll know what I mean."

The Job Update

2010-09-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

Adam got home last night from Logan and his last interview for this position. He said the interview went as well as it possibly could have. It's down to him and one other candidate. They are interviewing the other candidate today and told Adam they will "hopefully reach a decision by the end of the week." They better decide this week because I can't take the anticipation much longer.

Labor Day

2010-09-08T08:58:00.001-07:00

We had a great Labor Day weekend! We went white water rafting on Saturday, had a relaxing Sunday and then went to a BSU bash at my brother and SIL's, Greg and MaryJo's, house. We played sand volleyball in the court next to their house and enjoyed an awesome BBQ/potluck while a slew of kids ran around the yard jumping on the trampoline and the bouncy house. It was a large crowd with lots of extended family, ward friends and neighbors. The noise was deafening when BSU scored or had a good play. It's always a good time when they host a get together.
I don't think I have ever mentioned them on my blog before but they are an amazing couple. They are overly generous and often throw parties at their house and provide most of the food. They are high school sweethearts and Jo waited for Greg while he served a mission in Oklahoma. There never seemed to be anyone else for either of them. They have always been an example to me of what a good, solid relationship should be. They are both lots of fun to be around and Jo is always very loving with my kids. They are dedicated to the gospel and serve faithfully and diligently in the church. Our family is very close and all of my siblings live in the Boise area. We get together EVERY Sunday just about without fail and I love that. I know my family very well and we are fiercely loyal. When one of us is hurt or attacked, it's like everyone in the family has been hurt. My great-grandmother was that way and I assume those feelings of loyalty have been passed down through generations and generations of family.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Ruby!

2010-09-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

Ruby turned two last Saturday, August 28th, which absolutely astounds me. Where did the past year go? It's frightening how quickly time passes. We didn't really have much of a party as I was in Hailey for her actual birthday and didn't have time to really plan anything. We had a small family party the next day on Sunday. She got a big pink big-wheel which she calls her 'bike' and insists on riding through the house. Well, she can't actually reach the pedals but she does a good job at pushing it with her feet. She loves it! She also got some bath toys, underwear, purse, cart with fake food, and a new baby and a few clothes. It seems like she has grown and matured so much just over the summer. She talks in full sentences and loves to sing "Once there was a Snowman," "Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam," a slew of Wiggles songs, and "I'm so glad when Daddy comes Home." She loves to read, what she calls, "the Jesus book," which is either the Nursery manual or the Gospel Art book. She can point out and name Joseph Smith, Emma Smith, all of the crazy animals/items in her books. She LOVES the Wiggles and would watch them all day if I would let her. She hates being tormented by James and James loves to antagonize her non-stop which is really annoying and frustrating. Her favorite toy is a baby-doll. She loves that baby and likes to carry it everywhere with her. She's so sweet and much less into-everything than James is which is nice. She's been a pretty easy baby and has a funny personality. She likes to tell jokes and try to 'trick' us and then she'll laugh and laugh. She said her first prayer yesterday and it was so cute. What can I say, she's a doll and I love her so much. I can't believe she's mine. I'm so thankful Heavenly Father has entrusted me with two of his children.

My Job

2010-09-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while because things have been so busy and a bit hectic with my job. Last weekend, I took around 30 exchange students on an overnight trip to Hailey where we met up with an additional 70 exchange students from Eastern Idaho, and they attended an orientation. Yesterday, Adam and I took a small group white water rafting which took up most of the day. In additional to those activities, my job has kept me busy:
Answering a lot of questions from host moms and dads.
Answering a lot of questions from newly-arrived students.
Running to/from the airport to greet arriving students.
Interviewing and orientating host parents in regards to the duties of hosting.
Planning/executing activities for said students.
Fielding questions from two collegues as I am now officially the team leader for Boise.
Writing reports on how the first month went for EACH of my 21 students from both the students' perspective and the host families' perspective.

It has felt like way too much lately. Granted, I do WAY more than the average exchange coordinator because I was driven to make as much money as I could. Still, I am ready to step away from this job. Another reason I am hoping Adam lands this LAST interview this Tuesday!! We talked about how great it would be if he got this job and I could keep working for EF because the extra money is great and the travel benefits are fun but now it feels like it's taking me away too much from my kids. I don't want to handle any more calls from crying kids because they are homesick, or calls from host parents because they have a question about school or driver's ed or whatever. It has been a great job and an amazing opportunity to be able to work from home. It has been a huge blessing for us for the past two years and has sustained us financially. I'm just so relieved that this whole interview process will finally be over this week. After nearly a year of waiting and praying for this job, we will know one way or the other this week. Scary but exciting. If he gets it, we will have a huge party to celebrate. Keep us in your prayers. His interview is Tuesday morning!

Look at this Studly Piece of Man!

2010-08-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

He is so hot! I am a very lucky lady. Adam is a wonderful, loving husband and father. We love him and are so proud of him. He is in his second round of interviews as we speak for his dream job. Hopefully, we will finally know this week if the job is his!

Faith Quest 2010

2010-08-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

Where, oh where, do I begin?
Last Monday at 5 am all of the youth in our stake boarded four tour buses and headed for Salt Lake. We did a quick tour of the Church History Museum and watched a video in the basement called "Only a Stonecutter" which was beautiful and touching. We then headed across the street to Temple Square and watched the film "Legacy" in a large theater. The kids all seemed to enjoy our time in Salt Lake. We then got back on the bus and drove to Ogden where we stayed in a hotel for the night and listened to a direct descendent of James Willie, Captain of the Willie handcart company, that evening during a fireside.
Adam and I were asked in February to serve as a Ma and Pa of a group of eight kids--Sam, Lorenzo, Ted, Dorothy, Sarah, Kate, Talon, and Zach. We were a bit nervous and excited for our great adventure with these kids. By the end of the week, we had grown to love them like our own and truly felt a familial bond with them.
Going into this, I was afraid that it just wouldn't be the same as my first experience walking 200 miles by handcart in 1997. Much like reading the scriptures again, one gains a different insight each time one reads. Faith Quest was much like a rereading of the scriptures. Because I am at a different place in my life, I was able to have a completely different insight into the pioneer experience. In 1997, I was only 20 years old, single, self-centered and self-absorbed, still a kid in so many respects. This time, I was a wife and mother of two young children and a mother of eight children on the trail. I can not even begin to imagine how terrifying it would be to bury my husband and press forward alone with my children. Or to bury my husband and half or all of my children and continue on in faith. Or to watch my little children crying from starvation, bloody and frozen feet, and feeling completely powerless to alleviate their sufferings. I can't comprehend somehow dragging my dying husband into our handcart and pulling that dreadful cart over Rocky Ridge for 15 miles in a blizzard by myself. Or giving birth one night and getting up the next morning and walking 13 miles with only 4 oz of flour in my body. It is a miracle that any of them survived and remained true and faithful. Tears sprang to my eyes readily on this trek as I thought of families struggling to survive in brutal conditions.
Back to Faith Quest. We got up very early Tuesday morning and headed for Martin's Cove, Wyoming. When we arrived, each family was assigned a handcart for the day. We watched a video at the visitor's center. We trekked about 6 miles that day, pausing at Dan's Cove, Martin's Cove, and the Sweetwater River. We also saw Devil's Gate not far in the distance. At Dan's Cove, we heard several pioneer stories. We then walked further up the trail to Martin's Cove where the missionaries talked to us for a few minutes about the sacredness of the area. They said that when President Hinckley visited the site several years ago he said that Martin's Cove was one of the most sacred areas in the entire world. Talking was not allowed in the cove, only whispers, as we walked through the cove and tried to picture the pioneers huddled there, nursing the sick, aged, and dying men, women and children.
We then moved on to the Sweetwater River where we reenacted the rescue of the Martin company. Everything was done in silence. The young women sat down by the side of the river while the teachers, deacons and pa's pulled the handcarts across the river. The priests then carried each young woman and adult woman across the river. There was a very special spirit and I was so impressed with how seriously the youth partook in the reenactment. When it was over, the missionary standing next to our 'Captain' turned to him with tears in his eyes and said, "I have witnessed 10-15 river crossings a week for the last two years and that was the most reverent crossing I have ever seen. The Spirit was so strong." It really was one of the spiritual highlights of the trip. As we were organizing and preparing to head down to the river, we gathered in a large group and our Captain had all of the priests form a group in the middle. It brought tears to my eyes just watching them stand there, knowing that several of the rescuers were their age, just 17 years old. I saw the same youth, strength, and optimism in our priests. They were quite a sight! One of my daughters afterward commented, "I felt the Spirit so strong I was shaking." It was amazing.
We made it back to the buses just as a thunderstorm swept through the area and then two beautiful rainbows appeared as we were pulling out. The kids were so excited.
We drove a ways to our campsite, set up camp and ate dinner. Our family had a good spiritual discussion about spiritual starvation as we ate. I also talked to them about the Atonement and how Christ is our Rescuer and suffered for everything that pioneers went through and all that they (our kids) go through in their lives.
The next day we trekked 10 miles with our handcarts. One of our kids, Sam, was struggling right from the beginning. It was HOT as we pulled in to stop for lunch and have a devotional.
After lunch, we had a silent women's pull where all of the men stopped helping and the women had to pull our carts to the top of a hill. That was pretty emotional for me as I thought of the pioneer women who miraculously pulled their carts alone, many of them carrying their sick and dying husbands. I was struggling with three other girls and I had a stomach full of food. It is a miracle they were able to survive. Just as we reached the top of the hill, dark storm clouds moved in and the wind became fierce. We tried to have a spiritual moment but lightning was fast approaching and the rain started pelting us hard. We cut our meeting short and headed back down the trail. The lightning got closer and closer and I was getting more nervous by the second as we were on top of a hill and literally the tallest objects out there. There was only two seconds between flash and thunder and FINALLY we hear our leader yelling to us to scatter and crouch down. There we were, spread out all over the trail crouching in a lightning storm. I was scared but tried to keep it together for the kids' sake. We crouched for a while until the lightning got further away. It was exhilarating to be out there in the elements and feeling the power of the thunder right over our heads. It was truly awesome and one of the best parts of the trip.
Meanwhile, back at camp, the wind was so strong that it blew away half of our tents and picked up a picnic table and tossed it 20 feet. The Ma's were picked up and driven back to camp to try to clean it up and dry out tents and sleeping bags before the trekkers got in. It was quite a mess.
That night we ate dinner and a missionary came as Ephraim Hanks and told us his story. Absolutely amazing! I really want to read his biography now. That man is my hero. He had such great faith and because he was spiritually in tune, he was able to help rescue the beleaguered handcart companies.
After that we square danced and the kids had a great time. In fact, I think they were disappointed that it ended so quickly. Kids are so funny. They were turning their noses up at it a few months ago when we had to practice but then on the trail they were having the time of their lives. It was fun to watch them having so much fun.
Our last day on the trail we hiked the infamous Rocky Ridge Trail. We were excited but a little nervous about how hard it was going to be. Several miles of steady, steep climbing then evened out a bit for a total of 15 miles. We went through several waist-deep mud/manure holes and a couple of streams. It was HOT again and it was a long, hard day for the kids. We started walking at about 9am and pulled into camp around 5pm. The kids were drained mentally, physically, and spiritually. I was so impressed with them. I never heard anyone complain or whine. They knew why we were there and they were more than willing to finish what they had started. Our family carried a girl the last couple miles because she was so spent emotionally and physically. She was crying as she walked and we were able to get her into our cart and get her into camp. Our family was practically running the last few miles and I had to jog to keep up with the cart. So impressive!
I love the kids in our family. I was constantly amazed by their acts of service and spiritual insight. Zach, only 13 years old, gave his rain coat to his 'sister' during the lightning storm. He was soaking wet and shivering but did not want his coat back. No one prompted him to do it either. So proud of his selflessness. Dorothy, our 'big sister' was ready to go out looking for her little 'sister' Kate when she got up in the night to use the bathroom. Kate told me about it in the morning and said, "I actually felt cared for." I love that story.
Ted, our 'big brother' was such a good example to the younger kids in our group. He was spiritual and kept the kids in line when they started to get off track during devotional times.
Lorenzo just never, ever gave up. He was either pulling or pushing the handcart the entire time and did so happily and willingly. He reminded me of what I pictured James Kirkwood to be like. Selfless and giving and kept going and going and going. Kate and Sarah, who seemed to be the most sensitive and vulnerable, never gave up. They walked almost the entire way and never complained. They were upbeat and boosted our morale. Our family would have been incomplete without them.
Sam, well, we never thought he would be able to finish Rocky Ridge. He had a pulled muscle and some other issues going on the previous day. He walked EVERY STEP of Rocky Ridge. I knew he wanted to give up and I knew he was struggling and in pain but he did it and I could not have been more proud of him. I don't think he thought he could do it either starting out but I know he was proud of himself when he was done.
Talon was tough and strong. He never even mentioned he had blisters until almost the end of Rocky Ridge. Then he admitted he had quite a few but he never even said a word before that. Tough, tough kid.
Our camp that night was right on the Sweetwater River. I was the first to jump in. It felt so good to clean the layers of dust, sweat, sunscreen, and bug spray from my skin and hair. I just sat in the river for awhile watching the kids play and feeling the cold water rush through my pioneer dress. It was a sweet moment.
After dinner, we all walked a short distance down to Rock Creek Hollow for a fireside. We passed a marker where 13 people were buried in a circular grave and then passed by two more marked graves. People who had somehow managed to survive the brutality of Rocky Ridge in a blizzard but then died of exhaustion and exposure when they reached camp at Rock Creek Hollow. People like Bodil Mortensen, only nine years old, Neils Neilsen only six, and James Kirkwood the hero big brother who carried his four year old brother the entire 15 miles over Rocky Ridge and died as soon as he reached camp. You could feel the sacredness of the area.
I'm so thankful we were invited to participate in this experience. I have no doubt the stake leaders were inspired to ask us and were also inspired to place the kids we had in our family. I'm so thankful for those faithful pioneers who sacrificed everything in order to raise their children in the gospel and to be sealed to their families.

Wyoming

2010-07-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

In preparation for our week-long handcart adventure to Martin's Cove, Rocky Ridge and other Mormon history sites, we have been studying the lives of the pioneers from the Willie and Martin Handcart companies. Adam and I will be sitting reading together and look up at each other only to see that both of us are in tears. There are so, so many touching recorded and unrecorded stories.
Here is one that makes me tear up every time I read it. It's about James Kirkwood, an 11 year old boy from the Willie Handcart company. He was the 4th of 5 children. His mother was a recent widow and had lost one of her children but still wanted to emigrate to Utah with her 4 children, one of whom was crippled. On October 23rd, with the land covered in snow and a blizzard blowing through the area, Captain Willie told the company they had to find shelter. There was a cove 15 miles from camp, up and over Rocky Ridge. Joseph was James' four year old little brother and his shoes had worn out. 'That morning we left camp on the Sweetwater and began to hike Rocky Ridge. Joseph's shoes had worn out. His feet were numb from the snow and ice. Joseph would not and could not walk any more. The group was leaving us. I told Joseph not to worry, that I would take care of him. I picked Joseph up, first in my arms then over my shoulders and then in my arms again. Many times he began to slip from my grasp because my fingers were frozen. But I would take a short rest before picking him up and pressing on. The group had left us far behind. But I did not give up. I knew that if I stopped my brother would surely die. Over the last miles, Joseph tried to talk to me, but I could not respond. Mother was waiting for us at camp. I gently set Joseph down by the campfire. My last thought was that now, having brought Joseph to safety, I too could rest. I was buried in Rock Creek Hollow with 12 others.' John Chislett said that James,..."having so faithfully carried out his task, collapsed and died from exposure and over-exertion."

Mormon Pioneers - Act of Courage - LDS Church History

2010-07-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

Thank You, Dear Readers

2010-07-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say thank you to those who have left kind and encouraging comments. I'm sure you probably think your comments don't mean much, at least that's how I feel when I leave comments on your blogs, but they have meant a lot to me. It's nice to know that you cared enough to leave a little message. On discouraging days, your comments have been a bright spot for me, so thank you!

Post-Op

2010-07-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

After three months of continuous sinus and ear infections, three or four rounds (I lost count) of antibiotics, lots of interrupted nights, and days filled with stressful behavior (from both mom and son), James' adenoids were removed and tubes placed in his ears. The surgery only took about 45 minutes and everything went well. The way the nurses and doctors talked, they made it seem like he would be back to normal within a day or two. WRONG! James has been pale, droopy, and dumpy seven days post-op. He's been up in the night crying and he just lays around the house during the day. When I ask him what he wants to do he says, "Nothing. I just want to stay here," which is really abnormal. I'm hoping he turns a corner fairly soon. It makes me so sad to look at his little face and recognize the signs of discomfort and fatigue.
The other night he woke up crying from pain. I put him back in bed and he said softly, "I want dad to give me a blessing." So much trust and faith in his Heavenly and earthly fathers. So thankful that Adam holds the priesthood and is able to serve his family and those around him.
PS: I taught the lesson today and it was on the priesthood, can you tell?

Friends

2010-07-16T13:03:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, one of my friends from high school/college/post-college, came back to Boise to visit her family. We had the chance to go out to lunch and chat. It was so fun and I couldn't help but think of some of our crazy adventures together. The best one being the time we drove my tiny Subaru cross-country starting in Boise, down to the Grand Canyon, across Colorado, Kansas and over to Missouri, up to Nauvoo, and headed back home via Iowa, South Dakota, Yellowstone and Wyoming. We stopped at many of the National Parks along the way. It was epoch! We slept in the car, drove all night some nights, camped in Nauvoo, freshened up at gas stations, and witnessed some of the most beautiful places in America. It felt so free. The road was our destiny. Now that I'm a mom, I can only imagine how nervous our mothers were when we left, especially since it was before cell phones were so widely used and owned.
I think the best memory of that trip was when we stopped at Adam-Ondi-Ahman just before dusk. For those of you who have never been there, it is literally out in the middle of nowhere and all it is is farmland and rolling hills. We were the only ones there. We got out of the car and walked around for a bit and then we were attacked by a giant Mayfly. It would not leave us alone. We would run and it would chase us. We would stop, thinking it had gone away only to discover that it was on one of our shoulders. Then we would scream and run some more. All the while, we are getting farther and farther away from the car and it was quickly getting darker. We finally decided to say a prayer. So, while running, Amy says this quick prayer out loud and the thing flies away. So funny now but at the time it was pretty scary. We were crazy.
This is one of my favorite quotes about friendship:
"All of us should strive, therefore, to have some friendships that are deep and solid--so solid, for instance, that if they were interrupted, the unfinished conversation could be resumed months later almost in mid-sentence, just as if we had never been apart. You and I are believers in and preachers of a glorious gospel that can deepen all human relationships now as well as projecting all relationships into eternity. Friendships, as well as families, are forever." --Neal A. Maxwell

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-07-15T14:09:00.001-07:00

Last Thursday I turned 33. Yikes! When did I get old? Anyway, it was a fun day. I went to Cafe Ole' for lunch with one of my sisters, my mom, and two SIL's. It was fun to get out and do something fun because I was feeling pretty down that week. I got quite a bit of cash for my birthday and I have been spending it! Christmas and birthdays are just about the only times of the year when I spend any money on myself.
This year, I decided to spend some of my money on a new pair of Chaco sandals. My first pair I bought back in 2002 in preparation for my backpacking trip to Europe. Those sandals carried me across Europe, all over the US, hiked everywhere and anywhere, and to distant islands. I love them and they are the best shoes in the world. They have a lifetime guarantee and will resole and restrap your sandals for only $35! Last summer I really only wore flip-flops everywhere and I started to have knee and back problems. I switched back to my Chaco's and haven't had any problems since.
I bought these (green) nifty new ones to take with me on the handcart trek to Martin's Cove. I needed some with better traction. Anyway, I'm excited so thought I would share!
The pic of my bare feet in the surf and sand was taken in San Sebastian, Spain.

Before I Forget...

2010-07-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

I want to write this down.

Today while shopping James called me "my little mother dear." Cute!

One of James' gold fish met a tragic fate this morning. I found him sucked into the filter. James was quite sad and upset. Tonight, in his prayer he said, "Please bless Smally that he will go up into heaven with you." And then his eyes welled up with tears. So sweet. I love that kid.

Ruby

2010-07-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

Hanging out at Camel's Back!

Fire Truck Heaven

2010-07-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

James had all of his fire trucks out the other night--19 in all! Most of them we acquired from yard sales for only 50 cents each.

Good News

2010-07-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the effect a little good news can make in your life. Adam has been unemployed for about 19 months now. That's almost 2 years! (They should make a blog ticker for that. Ha!) I won't say it has been easy because it has pretty much sucked royally. And it has become much more stressful within the past six months. Adam went off unemployment and has been waiting and networking with a guy since November about a particular job. He has applied and looked for jobs almost daily. Unless you have been unemployed recently you really have no idea what it's like to be without a job in this awful economy. Entry level positions four years ago now require a minimum of 3-4 years of experience. And it almost seems fruitless to even apply for any job if you have little experience in that field. Employers are receiving 100's of resumes for one job and there is always a ton of other people who are way more qualified and have way more experience. It has been very discouraging, very frustrating, and at times, very depressing. We have been told countless times to just go get a job at Home Depot or someplace like that. Well, that would be a great solution if those places were ever hiring and when they were, even with Adam's construction background, they didn't even call him for an interview.
The only way we have been able to survive month after month is mostly from my job and the random side work Adam has been able to pick up sporadically. It has been a struggle EVERY month. It is so stressful EVERY month wondering if we will have enough to pay the mortgage. Fortunately, it has worked out for us every month but not without blood, sweat, stress, and prayer. It is so draining to worry about money on a daily basis--Do I have enough for this $5 item?? And most of the time it would end up back on the shelf. I can easily see how financial difficulty can strain a marriage relationship. Not that Adam and I have/had issues but it definitely takes more work to be polite, courteous, and loving when you really feel like being snippy and jerky. We have made the most of a bad situation by working together.
There have been added stresses along the way--Ruby's multiple surgeries and extended hospital stay in November, James' ongoing health issues (having adenoids taken out tomorrow--Yay!), my ongoing health issues, preparing for Faith Quest, and a ton of small daily tasks that seem so overwhelming at times that I can't get off the couch.
Don't get me wrong. I know our situation is awesome compared to others'. We are fortunate that we have been able to stay in our home, that we have never missed or been late on a payment, that we have food and a car. We have all of the necessities of life as well as many luxuries. We live comparitively well to those who live in other parts of the nation and world.
That being said, we also don't want to live week to week for the rest of our lives. It would be so nice not to have to worry and fret over finances EVERY DAY of our lives.
But I digress. The title of this post is "Good News" so on with it, right? Well, the good news is Adam FINALLY heard back from his contact. He was supposed to call us like 2-3 weeks ago and day after day we heard nothing. We both were starting to lose hope and we were really depressed all last week. Finally, FINALLY he calls and said they are posting the job and he is still pulling for Adam to get it. Now, before you start to wonder where the good news is because it's not like we were offered the job, let me just say that it is an absolute miracle to be at this point. They posted the job and Adam is guaranteed an interview and his contact wants him to get it. Amazing!
Adam definitely has his work cut out for him. This is an extremely competitive business (surgical sales). It is close to impossible to break into it as they are very high paying jobs and very desirable. If you are unfamiliar with the industry, trust me, it will be a miracle if he is offered this position. For example, Medtronic, a very large medical device company, only hires ex-military and prefers ex-semi or professional athletes. Plus, there are 10 interviews. Plus, an intelligence test (ie: Why are manholes round?) It's absolutely crazy.
Adam read a book recently called "The Mormon Way of Doing Business" written by some big CEO. In it, he says he got to where he is because he expected miracles to happen and they did. We are and have been relying on faith, knowing that everything happens for a reason and that we can expect great things from the Lord whether we feel we deserve them or not. We have read and re-read the talk "Continue in Patience" by President Uchdorf. He said that we may have to wait for a long time and we sometimes won't realize the purpose of waiting until years later when we can look back and see the hand of the Lord in our lives. Waiting is hard, though. Especially for someone as impatient as myself.
I haven't really felt like myself in a very long time. I have felt so distracted--constantly working to make ends meet, constantly having that little worry in the back of my mind, constantly feeling guilty for lack of motivation, never being able to turn my brain off. I guess that's why I have not felt truly present emotionally and mentally when I am with other people. I'm not one to casually share my emotions, although I would answer ANY question posed to me. I feel like an open book in that way. I'm never offended and I would prefer people to be more blunt with each other. However, I know I tend to push people away and I'm sure I come across as really unapproachable, which is sad. I'm really hoping to get some of my old spunk and spark back along with a job for Adam.
I know there is a purpose to trials. My faith has increased over the last two years. I know the Lord will always take care of us, even if it's not in the way we would prefer. I know that he answers prayers, even if it's not in the way we would prefer. I know he blesses tithe payers for more than any monetary amount. I know He loves us and is there to comfort us. We don't know what is really going on in people's lives unless we ask. I know I seem outwardly strong and capable but things aren't always what they seem.
This post has been cathartic. I feel great! I feel full of hope and I'm excited for whatever the future brings, but I hope that future has a job in it:) We will know by mid-August. Wish us luck.

2010-07-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

Top pictures: A few weeks ago, James and I enjoyed a mother/son morning hike together. The weather was spectacular.
Fourth photo down: James and Ruby enjoying free lunch in the park in the rain.
Last photo: Taken at my parents 60th birthday party. The church was so freakin' hot and James was on medicine that made him more prone to dehydration so I didn't fight him when he wanted to strip down after all of the guests had left and we were cleaning up.

Happy 4th of July!

2010-07-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

It was another exciting 4th of July at the Ogden house. Never a dull moment. It starts with firecrackers and smokeballs and turns into mortars and huge bottlerockets. This year, my parents' neighbors set a bush on fire at the neighborhood park. (Who lights fireworks at a park surrounded by pine trees?) Anyway, the fire department came and so did the police. It was pretty hilarious to watch my dad and brothers and brothers-in-laws scramble as they hurried and swept up any evidence. So funny.

Birthday Bash

2010-06-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

Here are scenes from James' fourth birthday party. We had a family party on Sunday. On Monday we had a friend party. I invited all of his friends from his primary class and a few cousins. It was fun but of course it ended up being the hottest day of the year. We started at the park and had cupcakes, a fire truck pinata, presents, and pin the fire dog on the fire truck. It was fun and I'm glad I set the time fore 10am before it got really hot.
Then we all went to the fire station for the tour. I think the kids enjoyed the fire station tour even though the fireman was a little too chatty for 3-4 year old kids. The kids each got to sit/stand in the truck for a minute. Fortunately, James was well-behaved. He got a lot of very nice presents. I think it turned out well for my first kid party. It was a little stressful but I think it turned out well.

Ruby

2010-06-27T21:43:00.001-07:00

You can barely see her tiny baby freckles on her cheeks and nose. She's so sweet. Look at that face!

Thinking of You...

2010-06-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Nauvoo!

Can't wait for James and Ruby to meet you. They will love your green pastures, fireflies, sunsets, horse-drawn wagon rides, and temple spire.

Can't Imagine

2010-06-24T12:33:00.000-07:00

I just have to share a short paragraph from the book I'm reading right now, "Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling" by Richard Lyman Bushman. (Didn't like it the first time so I decided to give it another try.
This is the story of Joseph's leg operation. Keep in mind he was only SIX years old at the time and had NO anesthesia.
"As the operation began, Lucy went out into the fields and left Joseph in his father's arms, the infected leg resting on folded sheets. The surgeons bored holes on each side of the leg bone and chipped off three large pieces. Joseph screamed when they broke off the first piece, and Lucy rushed back into the room. Sent away, she came back again as the third piece came off. Blood gushed from the open wound, and Joseph lay on the bed drenched in blood. He was 'pale as a corpse, and large drops of sweat were rolling down his face, whilst upon every feature was depicted the utmost agony!'"

I just have to say how thankful I am that I live in this period of time. Simple antibiotics would have healed his infected leg. So thankful for modern medicine and practices so that I don't have to see my children suffer from very treatable illnesses and infections. I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father has given us so much knowledge in all areas of life.

Surprise!

2010-06-14T12:31:00.001-07:00

About a week ago, my siblings and me and spouses threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my parents. We invited their closest friends from church, neighbors, and family members. They were shocked! We weren't sure how they would like it since both of them hate being the center of attention, especially my mom. But it ended up being a success and my dad said it was the best birthday present he's received in 60 years. Aw, so sweet. As you can see it was a beach party theme inspired by the movie 'Gidget' (one of my faves!). I can't take hardly any of the credit as my sisters were pretty much the masterminds behind it all. We had a dj who played some sweet music from the 60's and even my mom's mom and brother and his wife and my mom's sister made a special trip to be there.
My parents were born three days apart in the same hospital. They met for the first time in 6th grade and my dad said he's loved her since then. They grew up in Jerome, Idaho, went to high school together but didn't start dating until after they graduated. My dad used to visit my mom before they started dating and one day my grandma told him that if he had an interest in dating Connie then he had better read The Book of Mormon. So, he did and ended up joining the church. The rest, as they say, is history.
Btw, yes, the shirtless boy is my son. It was so blasted hot in the church and after all of the guests left I told him he could strip down. His hair was wet with sweat. I was tempted to follow suit.

A Few of My Favorite Things

2010-06-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

I saw this idea on someone else's blog and it looked like fun so I decided to do it too. 100 Things I Love (in no particular order)

1. Ruby's tiny little freckles on her cheeks
2. reading a book I can't put down
3. shopping
4. Caribbean beaches
5. Mexican food
6. chips and salsa
7. throwing rocks in the river with the fam
8. walking along the Boise Greenbelt
9. watching James ride his bike
10. history, specifically LDS, American/European, and Women's
11. campfires
12. natural hot springs
13. hiking
14. Oregon coast
15. Sundays with my parents and sibs
16. wagon trains
17. James chasing squirrels, butterflies, bunnies, basically anything he can't catch
18. dancing
19. road trips (pre-kids) I look forward to more without YOUNG kids
20. Nauvoo
21. sunsets
22. thunderstorms
23. homemade chocolate chip cookies
24. home-grown tomatoes
25. my kids' laughter
26. the smell of the forest
27. bananas
28. pumpkin-flavored anything
29. when people tell Adam he looks like Brad Pitt (I tease him but I secretly like it)
30. traveling by train
31. a tall, frothy, Dr. Pepper from the fountain (one of my many vices)
32. dark chocolate
33. swimming in a natural body of water
34. the night sky
35. watching my kids sleep (is there anything sweeter or cuter?)
36. new socks
37. dates with Adam
38. black licorice flavored salt water taffy
39. hanging out with my friends which isn't often enough
40. my dad's laugh when he's laughing super hard
41. making people laugh
42. when the kids let me cuddle them right after they've woken up
43. the way Adam, James, and Ruby smell
44. Adam's childlike playfulness with the kids
45. good music of any kind
46. playing the piano
47. cheese
48. exercise, especially lifting weights (it makes me feel strong even though I'm not)
49. parks
50. European pastries (ok, ANY kind of pastry)
51. Jergen's Ultra Healing Lotion--the only drugstore lotion I use
52. singing along to the radio
53. Ruby running "fast"
54. coupons
55. museums
56. Target
57. historic Boise
58. Gap jeans
59. Chaco sandals
60. my crazy sisters
61. peonies
62. peanut m&m's
63. teaching
64. hydrangeas
65. sunflower fields in France
66. James' prayers
67. when Ruby puts her hands over her eyes and takes them away and says 'Found me!' So cute!
68. Word Challenge game on Facebook (addicted)
69. mountains
70. baby ducks (ok, baby anything!)
71. Dove chocolate mousse
72. Red Robin's fry sauce
73. British accent
74. fireflies
75. volleyball
76. family history
77. Adam in one of his crazy moods
78. going to plays
79. alone time
80. board/card games
81. ice water
82. cilantro
83. Adam's sparkly, clear blue eyes
84. clothes
85. a freshly vacuumed floor
86. tulips
87. free community events
88. interior/exterior design (not that you can tell by looking at my house. hopefully that will change when Adam lands a job)
89. recycling
90. ultimate frisbee
91. architecture
92. foot/hand/neck massages
93. Little House on the Prairie
94. all of the crazy, random things James says
95. climbing into a bed with fresh, clean, cold sheets
96. parties
97. vintage cars
98. WWII literature/films
99. gardening
100. my grandma's homemade scones

I would love to read your 100 Things You Love!!

It's Heating Up

2010-06-08T19:54:00.000-07:00

I was seven months pregnant with Ruby, my second child, in June of 2008. The summer heat had already set in and we had been using our home air conditioning for at least a week or two. Every time we turned it on it would make a horrible noise and the air it was generating just didn't feel as cold as it used to be. We were living on a very tight budget with Adam still in school and me staying at home with the kids. We finally relented and called a repair service to assess the problem. He confirmed our biggest fear-- the unit had to be completely replaced. It was as old as the house (1977) and there was no saving it. Cost to replace it: $3000. We talked about putting it on a credit card, taking out a line of credit on the house, etc but we really did not like either option. Meanwhile, the house was unbearably hot. Horrendously hot. I have an immune disorder which makes me extra sensitive to heat and coupled with pregnancy I was miserable. James, who was two at the time and normally full of energy, would just lay on the floor or the couch too tired and hot to move and trying to conserve his energy. At night he would cry until we stripped him down and placed a fan directly on his nearly naked body. Only then was he able to fall asleep. It was 100 degrees inside and out. Adam's parents mercifully approached us and told us bluntly that they would pay to have the a/c replaced. Their generosity never ceases to amaze me. Adam grew up poor in a family of seven kids. The Christmas they received $10 each from their parents was a good Christmas for them. Adam's mom went back to school about six years ago and now teaches kindergarten. On her teacher's wage, she thinks of herself as being well-off financially and now wants to share her excess with her children. Once the a/c was installed, I went from feeling sick, weak, and fatigued to feeling relief and comfort in knowing that my baby would not be in danger because my body was no longer under extra stress. EVERY time I turn on the a/c, I think of the amazingly generous gift from Adam's parents and I am so grateful EVERY time.

Birthday Ideas

2010-06-06T20:44:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about James' upcoming 4th birthday at the end of the month. I have some ideas brewing. Since he's sooo into firetrucks and fireman I thought it would be fun to have a group tour at the fire station with all of his little church/preschool age friends. I think they would like it. I don't know. What do you guys think? The tour would last about 45 minutes and then I thought we could go to a park that's close and do fire truck cupcakes and play fireman games. There are some fun fire truck themed birthday goodies. Hmmmm... just thinking.

This Week....

2010-06-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Has been interesting and yet really dull at the same time. We've spent a lot of time at home just messing around in the yard. I'm excited to report that my corn and green beans have started to sprout! Nature never ceases to amaze me. How magical to plant a tiny little seed and watch it sprout and blossom. Life in all forms is truly amazing. It's been fun working in the garden with James. He will spend endless hours digging and playing in the dirt, fascinated by every creature that happens by. He loves to find worms and rollie pollies and will make up stories about the mama worm and the baby worm and where they live. It's really cute. I love that he enjoys being outside and is anxious to 'tend' the garden.
We have also been entertained a lot this week by the neighborhood bunny. Our neighbors let their rabbit roam the neighborhood because they "can't stand to see him caged up." Well, I"m not sure what's worse, keeping it in a cage or allowing it to get killed by a raccoon?? Anyway, James spent hours every day tracking, watching, chasing and grabbing the bunny. It was quite fun to see him hop into our yard. The moment James caught a glimpse of him, he would go tearing out the door to chase it. We managed to catch him a few times but he always wriggled away as soon as James held him. Then James would cry because he wanted to keep it. I told him, "Well, he doesn't want to be held he just wants to be free." James replied, "No, he doesn't want to be free. He wants to be four." So funny.
I'm afraid the bunny may have met an untimely death as I have not seen hide nor 'hare' of it in the past two days. Kind of sad.

The kids were sick AGAIN this week. Raging fevers, croupy coughs, and vomiting from trying to cough. Pretty miserable for all of us. Poor kids.

We took James to the dentist on Friday for an emergency appointment after noticing a huge hole in his back molar. His filling had fallen out plus it was bigger than it was originally. I LOVE our dentist so much and he is so good with James. He was on his way out of town but said he wanted to look at it. He did a quick filling and James was the perfect patient. He sat there so calmly and held his mouth open. Even the dentist was amazed at what a good little patient he was. He said his other molar would have to be done as well. A lot of kids' baby teeth have really deep grooves and sometimes they don't even close, which is the case with James so that's why he has two bad molars. I was relieved to hear that because I was feeling like a pretty bad parent.

One last thing that I want to remember. This week Adam was talking about how he doesn't have any friends and James looked up from his plate and said, "Yes, you do! You have us." That was the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

I feel like I never mention Ruby. She has started running, jumping and saying everything. She says "More cheese" a lot and "Let's go home." Oh, and "Park." She always wants to go to the park. But she's saying three word sentences and I have started introducing the potty. James was trained at 22 months and I'm hoping to have Ruby trained around the same age.

This has turned into a really long post. Went into a stream of consciousness mode.

In the Mood

2010-05-25T19:30:00.001-07:00

Just haven't been in the mood to blog lately. Probably because I feel like I have everything and nothing to say all at the same time.

Some funny things James has said lately that I want to remember:
"Well, Heavenly Father wants you to be naked with the door open." After I stepped out of the shower and found the front door wide open.
"Mom, why is that lady in a wheelbarrow?" After noticing a woman in a wheelchair at the store.

Our lives have been pretty boring lately. I think we will know this week about THE job we have been waiting for for the last eight months.

I got most of the garden planted--corn, tomatoes, peppers (variety), green beans, and carrots. I still need to plant some pumpkins, cilantro, and basil. We'll see how it all turns out.

We also broke down and bought a trampoline. It was such a good deal we couldn't turn it down. The added entertainment for James has been nice plus it feels good knowing he's getting some exercise and enjoying the outdoors.

I am loving this weather. I wish it could be like this every day. I'm not anxious for the inevitable hot weather.

We Have Been OUT and Loving Spring!

2010-05-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

I love these photos from the temple grounds. James has been asking me since last spring when the big flowers will be back. They're back and in full glory!
We also enjoyed a lovely hike up Table Rock. We made it about half way before we decided to head back. James loved it. He jibber-jabbered the entire hike, leading the way with his awesome stick that he found. He was totally in his element. Ruby insisted on pulling her toy dog the entire way. It was pretty funny because she would get really angry due to the dog constantly falling over on the uneven terrain.
We took a walk on the greenbelt last week just as the spectacular thunderstorm was rolling in. The sky was amazing, the lightning was fantastic, and the thunder was powerful. We made it back to the car just as the first huge drops began to fall. It was a great night.

Emily Dickinson

Spring is the Period
Express from God.
Among the other seasons
Himself abide,

But during March and April
None stir abroad
Without a cordial interview
With God.

This Boy...

2010-04-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

Loved his adventure to the fire station.

James loved meeting all of the firemen and getting a close up look at the fire trucks. They even had a life flight helicopter land at the fire station. Throw in some free hot dogs, soda, chips and candy and it was a nearly perfect day. Ruby liked the fake dog inside the station.

Lately

2010-04-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Recently:
James learned how to slide down the fire pole at the park all by himself. He LOVES it! He puts on his fire gear and slides down the pole.
Ruby started repeating everything we say. She literally woke up one day about a week ago and she was talking.

The Saddest Fireman Ever

2010-04-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

Women of God

2010-04-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

I love this talk given by Neal A. Maxwell in 1978 titled "Women of God." Here's a portion:

We salute you, sisters, for the joy that is yours as you rejoice in a baby’s first smile and as you listen with eager ear to a child’s first day at school which bespeaks a special selflessness. Women, more quickly than others, will understand the possible dangers when the word self is militantly placed before other words like fulfillment. You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms.

So often our sisters comfort others when their own needs are greater than those being comforted. That quality is like the generosity of Jesus on the cross. Empathy during agony is a portion of divinity!

I thank the Father that His Only Begotten Son did not say in defiant protest at Calvary, “My body is my own!” I stand in admiration of women today who resist the fashion of abortion, by refusing to make the sacred womb a tomb!

When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this.

No wonder the men of God support and sustain you sisters in your unique roles, for the act of deserting home in order to shape society is like thoughtlessly removing crucial fingers from an imperiled dike in order to teach people to swim.

We men love you for meeting inconsiderateness with consideration and selfishness with selflessness. We are touched by the eloquence of your example. We are deeply grateful for your enduring us as men when we are not at our best because—like God—you love us not only for what we are, but for what we have the power to become.

We have special admiration for the unsung but unsullied single women among whom are some of the noblest daughters of God. These sisters know that God loves them, individually and distinctly. They make wise career choices even though they cannot now have the most choice career. Though in their second estate they do not have their first desire, they still overcome the world. These sisters who cannot now enrich the institution of their own marriage so often enrich other institutions in society. They do not withhold their blessings simply because some blessings are now withheld from them. Their trust in God is like that of the wives who are childless, but not by choice, but who in the justice of God will receive special blessings one day.

I, along with my brethren of the priesthood, express undying gratitude to our eternal partners. We know that we can go no place that matters without you, nor would we have it otherwise. When we kneel to pray, we kneel together. When we kneel at the altar of the holy temple, we kneel together. When we approach the final gate where Jesus Himself is the gatekeeper, we will, if faithful, pass through that gate together.

The prophet who sits with us today could tell us of such togetherness, when at the time of his overwhelming apostolic calling he was consoled by his Camilla, who met his anguished, sobbing sense of inadequacy and, running her fingers through his hair, said, “You can do it, you can do it.” He surely has done it, but with her at his side.

Notice, brethren, how all the prophets treat their wives and honor women, and let us do likewise!

Finally, remember: When we return to our real home, it will be with the “mutual approbation” of those who reign in the “royal courts on high.” There we will find beauty such as mortal “eye hath not seen”; we will hear sounds of surpassing music which mortal “ear hath not heard.” Could such a regal homecoming be possible without the anticipatory arrangements of a Heavenly Mother?

Meanwhile, there are no separate paths back to that heavenly home. Just one straight and narrow way, at the end of which, though we arrive trailing tears, we shall at once be “drenched in joy.” I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Mad Ones

2010-04-02T12:20:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite passages of all time:

But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" --On the Road by Jack Kerouac

Man, I wish I could write like that.

There's also this one from the same book. It always takes me back to my adventures in Europe:

I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn't know who I was--I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I'd never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn't know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds. I wasn't scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost. I was half-way across America, at the dividing line between the East of my youth and the West of my future, and maybe that's why it happened right there and then, that strange red afternoon.

Amazing!

Trek

2010-03-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago, Adam and I were asked to participate as a Ma and Pa couple in our stake's upcoming Faith Quest handcart trek activity in August. We will be traveling to Martin's Cove in Wyoming and pulling handcarts along the original Mormon Trail. We will be walking and pulling handcarts for three days--about five miles the first day, eight miles the second, and fifteen miles on the third day. I am so excited and thrilled and honored that they would ask us to participate. I know there are many, many people in the stake who were hoping they would be asked to go with the youth. We have been assigned to lead about ten youth in our little 'family.' They are young but seem excited about this great adventure.
I can hardly contain my own excitement at the prospect of being out on the trail again. In 1997, I, along with two friends, joined the Mormon Trail Wagon Train Reenactment at Green River, Wyoming. We walked the last 200 miles of the trail which ended in the Salt Lake Valley. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. It was also one of the hardest and most painful experiences. We walked 5 to 27 miles a day through dirt, sand, 100 degree heat, rain, wind, mountains, streams and sagebrush. My face always had a thin layer of trail dust and the scent from the sagebrush was so intense at times that it made me choke and cough. It was absolutely amazing and I loved (almost) every minute. Even now, looking back and remembering how hard it was, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. My one regret is that I didn't start with the wagon train at the beginning in Omaha, Nebraska. I would love to have the opportunity to take Adam and my kids on another reenactment. Maybe someday.
There really aren't words that capture the feeling and spirit of the trail. That probably sounds cheesy but it's true nonetheless. It was the adventure of a lifetime. There were many non-LDS people who had joined the trek simply to participate in an incomparable journey. There's nothing quite like being taken to your physical limits on almost a daily basis. I learned to rely on Heavenly Father and the strength and optimism of my friends to get me to the next hill, the next few feet, the next rest stop, the next camp site. We leaned on each other for support because who else do you turn to when you're out in the middle of nowhere, miles from civilization? We were like a traveling Zion-- a Zion on wagon wheels, so to speak, sharing and helping where we were needed, although I was usually always on the receiving end.
Perhaps I am romanticizing my experience a bit because at the time it was HARD. Really hard. The hardest thing I've ever done. Our first day on the trek we walked about 24 miles and the handcart basically dragged me into camp. My friends and I sank to the ground and cried. I assume we were all crying for the same reasons-- pain and exhaustion and relief that we had survived our first day.
There are many reasons why I loved being on the trek. I loved being constantly surrounded by nature and feeling a connection to the earth. I loved the quiet, peaceful surroundings, the sweeping vistas and views, and the seemingly endless sky. I loved the people I was with, particularly our "family" assigned to our handcart. Above all, I loved walking in the footsteps of my heroes, the pioneers. My love for them grew with each step and I gained a greater appreciation for them and the incredible sacrifices they made to journey to Zion. Their endurance, courage, strength, and faith astounds me. I hope that one day I will be worthy enough to thank them for all that they sacrificed so that I can enjoy the blessings of the gospel today.
To my little Faith Quest family, I promise that if you are spiritually prepared for our hand cart trek, you will have the greatest spiritual experience of your lives thus far. And when you find yourself struggling, as we all do, you will be able to look back on your Faith Quest experience and you will remember the spirit you felt and it will help you through those tough times in your life. You will treasure it as a great moment in your life. I am looking forward to sharing the spirit of the trail with you. Your lives will never be the same and you will return a better person.
Even now, years later, the memories of my journey are bright and I feel very blessed to have been able to participate in such a unique opportunity. I still think about the trek almost daily and the profound influence it continues to be in my life.