Monday, August 26, 2013

The Emma Lesson

Amazing--I was literally in the middle of typing this post when Adam walked in from church and told me a member of the bishopric wanted to meet with me about a calling. As it turned out, that calling was Gospel Doctrine teacher. CRAZY!

"Every four years, I have a deep inner struggle each week in Gospel Doctrine as I sit through a discussion of the Doctrine and Covenants. Church history is one of the few interests in my life of which I am very passionate about and a subject which I feel I actually know a little something about. It is my dream to teach Church History and I know that one of my only chances at actually making that dream come true, is to teach Gospel Doctrine every four years. A person can not teach institute without a master's degree in education and, even then, it's very difficult to obtain a teaching job. My one chance comes around every four years. I didn't get that chance this year, although the year is not over. Mind you, I don't think I'm a master teacher or the leading authority on church history; I just really, really love to talk about it, the little known facts, how it has effected the modern church, why it's interesting and important. I love it and my passion translates into my teaching, or so I think.
Today's lesson was on section 25, Emma's revelation."

Then Adam interrupted me.

As much as I love preparing and teaching this subject, I find that it's also a source of discouragement for me. After every time I teach, I go home and rethink everything that I said in class, nitpicking at all of my comments and feeling like I failed. I should have said this, I shouldn't have said that, the way I phrased this was wrong, people seemed bored, were they bored? I want to be a good teacher but not because I want people to think that I'm amazing but because I want to be an instrument through which the Spirit can do His thing, without me causing a distraction. I love teaching because it is always a constant challenge. It's never easy but maybe I feel that way because I'm doing something right. I hope. 

To Alaska and Beyond

A couple of months ago, my phone rang. I read Adam's name and quickly answered. He wanted me to guess who had just called me and, gauging the tone of his voice, I knew the caller was someone that I would never guess--the man who had rejected him twice for a surgical sales position. I almost fell off my chair. Namely, because the last time Adam had contact with this man a year and a half ago, that bridge had been blown to smithereens, or so we thought. He asked Adam if he was still pursuing a career in medical sales. Adam wasn't really sure how to respond as we had basically given up on that dream and he was staying pretty busy running his own business (unhappily, I might add). This man asked him how far he was willing to move to which Adam said, "Anywhere." "How about Anchorage?" Thus began our journey to what will be our future destination.
Movers are coming to pack up our house next weekend but it's being sent via container which means our stuff won't actually arrive in Anchorage for at least 30 days. We decided to stick around here living in very sparse conditions and then fly out all together October 7. Reality is setting in that we are, in fact, moving to the sub-Arctic!
It's strange how things happen in our lives seemingly out of the blue. I'm still not sure why we had to go through five years of hardship and suffering only to arrive at, what feels like, basically where we wanted to end up in the first place. Granted, Anchorage was NOT our first choice but a career-path was our first choice. I'm not going to lie, it's been HARD.It's a very difficult thing to accept that a righteous desire is not being fulfilled even though it feels like you're doing everything mostly right in your life. That is hard. I was struggling with a private pain that made me withdraw. I didn't want to make new friends in our new ward because I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to leave our home. I never wanted to leave our old ward in the first place and it was all happening outside of my control. MY control. It's a difficult process slowly letting go and accepting the fact that I'm not in control. Not really. I can't force something to happen if it's not supposed to happen, as much as I want it to. But sometimes the Lord surprises us and those surprises can be pretty amazing.
It's been an wonderful blessing to live in Adam's vacant family home rent-free for over two years. The time has flown by and, as much as I hated to move initially, I see now the hand of the Lord in that move and how it saved us financially. Sometimes, it takes years of perspective before we can see clearly why things happen to us. And a lot of times, I don't think we'll really know or understand until the next life. But I've learned to better trust in the Lord that He does take care of those who wait upon Him. And it's usually not in ways that we want or expect. 
We're excited for our new adventure. We'll only be in Anchorage up to 24 months and then we will relocate somewhere in the lower 48, depending where there are openings with the company. Of course, our dream is to come back to Boise but maybe the Lord has other plans for us. Guess we'll see!